Tomorrow it will be December. Four months have passed since we walked the muddy streets of Kibera with the members of KISCODEP (Kibera Slums Community Development Project) Christmas is coming now. I wonder what Christmas in Kibera is like. It makes me feel ashamed to think about the comparison. There. Here. It's obscene. Like Lazarus dying at the doorstep of the rich man.The whole experience is beginning to feel a little bit like a dream. Like something I saw in a movie theatre or on a picture postcard. The distance of time and space have made it dangerously possible for me to doubt Kibera's existence. It's a coping mechanism. A strategy. Because when I remember Kibera, really remember it, things begin to fall apart again. My view of myself. My church. My government. My world. And maybe even my God.
Yesterday I started packing our things into boxes to get ready for our coming move. As I emptied our shelves this wave of panic swept over me. I don't really know where it came from. I've been looking forward to this downsize for a long time, but suddenly I was feeling really, really sad about giving up my house. I had this sense of loss that I wasn't expecting. I guess material things have tighter grip on me than I realized. That realization was uncomfortable and embarrassing. It made me want to get rid of my things. The thought of how many boxes it would take to hold all our possessions was making me sick. All I wanted to do was get rid of some of that weight -- some of that burden. So I could breath again.
I'm not sure exactly what Jesus imagined when he dreamed up the Church, but the easy tolerance we have for this kind of ridiculous disparity cannot be part of it. I feel like something inside me is screaming, but when I open my mouth there is only silence. Maybe because I'm not brave enough to ever really say something that would make people mad. Or more more likely because I'm not brave enough to ever really do something to that would really make my own life uncomfortable. Maybe if I saw Kibera everyday it would be harder for me to ignore. Maybe if it was my own children sniffing glue to avoid feeling hungry.
I listened to a clip of a Jim Wallis speech at Wheaton College today. He talked about Jesus' first public preaching as recorded in the book of Luke. Jesus said, (quoting the prophecy) "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. . ." Wallis said, "A Gospel that is not good news to the poor, no matter what else it does to change our lives and help our families, is just not the Gospel of Jesus." To speak frankly, I don't care how relevant one church or another is to my life, if they're not preaching the full Gospel of Jesus (good news to the poor) I'm just not interested. In fact I can't stomach it anymore. It leaves me hungry and makes me sick. And it keeps the kids in Kibera hungry and sick. It makes goats of us all.
5 comments:
Tough subject. It is crazy how easily we get back into our everyday routines and quickly begin using those immediately around us as our frame of reference. We don't spend too much on ourselves compared to "the Jones'" ...Our cars are pretty modest... compared to what our neighbors drive... We're not the crazy ones spending hundreds of dollars on Christmas gifts for ourselves and family...
But of course we are the big spenders and self-indulgent ones if we just broaden our frame of reference even just a little bit.
Like your last post said, however, I think/hope we're at least "moving in the right direction." And though it's hard to see sometimes--or even most of the time--our church is at least moving in the right direction too. There are some vast philosophical/theological/perspective differences that often blind us from recognizing that sometimes... but 4:12 is growing/expanding and the potential is still as big as it's ever been.
Nothing ever materializes overnight, so the best we can do is continue to stay focused on moving in the right direction. Our move/downsize is a part of that. I think launching/re-launching a service-small-group that appeals to unchurched/uninvolved persons in a way that an invite to church or a regular small group probably never would... is a part of moving in the right direction. The realization of an aurora campus would obviously be a step in the right direction. Of course none of this stuff can/will happen as quickly as we'd like it to... but each step is necessary to achieving a message more closely attuned with the full gospel message of Jesus Himself.
I'm writing this while on a conference call so I'm not sure I'm articulating things all that clearly... but I think each step needs to be taken one at a time... and there are more steps to be identified along the way... we just have to make sure that we keep moving--otherwise we're no longer actually "moving" [in the right direction].
I love your passion Desiree.
You should tell people about what they can do, how they can get involved. I think most of us don't even know where to start. We believe it's too big of a problem and don't have any clue how to solve it. Keep talking about it and I'd love to hear your ideas on how all of us can be involved in a solution.
Thanks for being who you are!!
-r
Rachel,
Thanks for responding. It is really hard to know what to do sometimes, and the problem can be overwhelming. The thing I would most like to see is a concrete percentage of our tithes going directly to the poor. From my reading of scripture the tithe was used for three main purposes:
1. To provide for the priests and Levites. 2. To provide for religious feast days. 3. To care for the poor and needy.
I love our church and all the cool things that we get to enjoy and learn from. But I would feel better about enjoying our cool technology and buildings and stuff if I knew that part of my tithe was also going directly to care for the poor and needy as it was intended to. I wish that we could commit ten percent of our budget to directly benefiting the poor. I think making that kind of commitment together as a church family would not only make a big impact in the lives of suffering people, but it would also make a big impact on us as a church.
I completely understand what you are saying about the church. I think we're moving in a direction where we are thinking more about our generosity. In the meantime, what could I do or someone else that's reading this do? How could someone like me get involved? Past supporting another child through World Vision, I'm not sure what to do.
Rachel,
I think that one of the most important things we can do is to build and maintain at least one significant relationship with someone in poverty. Whether that's a refugee family or through something C4:12 is doing in East Aurora, or Hesed House or Life Spring. Supporting World Vision kids is great too, but I think the greatest change comes when we are actually friends with someone in poverty. Once we have a friend who struggles to put food on the table or get basic medical attention for their kids or is homeless or on the verge of homelessness, then it becomes really difficult to think about our spending in the same way. I know that's a pretty difficult ask, though. Time is harder to give than money -- especially when you are working and have kids. But I think real relationships with people in poverty are the key. Somehow we have to find a way to see the people behind the statistics. Statitics are overwhelming, but real hurting people that we care about move us to action.
I am wrestling with all of this in my life too. The frustration you hear in my posts is as much about my own disappointment in me as it is about the Church. I hope you know that in spite of my frustrations I love our church very much and I love the staff and leaders who work so hard to make it what it is. I just want us to get better at loving the poor. And I guess I'm a little impatient sometimes. I need to work on that.
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