Holding Micah

God is Love

2010-10-26T11:48:00.000-07:00

Last night my family got the chance to join together with over four hundred other community members to march on the campus of North Central College in support of the power of love to win out over hate. This is Anti-hate week at North Central and as a part of that event the college had scheduled a showing of a film called "The Anatomy of Hate." The film looks at the way in which fear instincts in humans can sometimes lead to violent and primal reactions to groups that we believe to be a threat to us. It takes a closer look at hate motivations in the Israeli/Palestinian conflict and the Iraq war and highlights a couple of hate groups in the US, including Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, KS which protests at the funerals of US soldiers because they believe war deaths are God's punishment on the US for tolerating the homosexual lifestyle. WBC had threatened to protest the showing of the film at North Central, calling the school "pervert-run." That threat (which turned out to be empty) was what motivated over four hundred people to march in a show of resistant love. It also meant that four hundred people (instead of let's say maybe 30-50) turned out to see the movie and spent time thinking about where hate comes from and how to recognize it in ourselves. Even though the protesters didn't show-up, it was a powerful night. With all the recent suicides in the news because of gay-bullying, the back and forth on "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and the legislative battle over the right to marry, it felt like a historic night to stand outside with a group of people from very different backgrounds and perspectives and proclaim love above all else. It felt like what the people of God should be doing. I am grateful that my family could participate together, and I hope that one day when I tell the story to Micah and tell her that she was there with us, she'll be amazed that it ever happened at all because of the progress we will have made. I want to be on the right side of history. I want the people of God to get this right so that we don't have to look back in shame anymore.

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. - 1 John 4:7-8

Check out the trailer for "The Anatomy of Hate"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vN8X9t1VjXs

The Power of Choice

2010-10-17T12:15:00.000-07:00

Before I ever got pregnant I knew that I would choose to stay home with my baby and be a full time Mom. I'm sure that I didn't fully understand all of the realities of that kind of choice at the time, but most days I am still glad I made it. I am definitely not saying it is the right choice for everyone. This post is not an examination of what mothers should or shouldn't do, or what positive and negative impacts working or staying home has on children and their moms. I realize that there are pros and cons on both sides and that it is an issue that is often hotly debated with guilt, anger, and frustration coming from both sides. So let's just turn down the heat right away. I'm not interested in entering into that debate. I don't have a side. Or at least my "side" is that mothers should make the choice that works best for them and for their particular family situations. What I am interested in is the power of choice. The freedom to make a choice is often one of the things that sets Middle and Upper Class mothers apart from mothers living in poverty. (Also sometimes separates single moms from moms who have the benefit of a partner.) I had the luxury of making my own choice about working or staying home. Many women do not have that same luxury.

Lately I've been feeling a little weary of being home with Micah everyday. I love her and I love spending time with her, but she is in a particularly fussy stage that can grate on me over the long hours of a day. And it has been a little painful for my ego that as soon as her daddy comes home she wants nothing more to do with me and often reaches for him when we are out in public and cries if I try to hold her. My logical brain tells me that this is just a stage. That she sees me all the time and takes for granted that I will always be there, but doesn't get nearly as much time with her Dad. That I should be happy that she loves her daddy so much and that I should be grateful for the break since I obviously need one. Even so, it makes me feel bad. There have been some hard, emotional days for me lately, but one thing that I always know in the back of my head is that ultimately I still have a choice. If I ever decided that being a stay at home Mom was just not for me, I know that I could start looking for a job and for a daycare. That thought never stays in my head for more than a second, because I know it's not what I want, but there is something comforting about knowing that the choice is mine.

I know a refugee Mom in her mid twenties who has six children, four of whom are kindergarten or younger. She stays home with her children, but she really wants to work. She grew-up in a refugee camp in Kenya with almost no education. She is not literate, not even in her first language. She has no work experience and very limited English. Even if she could find a job, it would not pay more than minimum wage. And there is still the issue of four small kids at home who would need childcare. There is also the problem of transportation, since she does not own a car or have a license. Her husband works, but she stays home. She could try to work the night shift when her husband could be home with the kids, but even so she would still be home with kids all day. She is a stay at home mom like me, but not like me because she has no real choice.

I know another refuge woman whose husband was injured on the job and then fired by the company instead of cared for under workman's comp. After that incident the man could not find work and so the woman, who had been working only a part-time job starting to work two jobs to take care of her family. (It took two jobs for her to make as much as husband had at one because he had worked for the company for several years.) She wanted to be home with her young daughter, but now she had no choice. She worked all day and often late into the evening and didn't even get home until after her daughter had gone to bed. She is a working mom, but not by choice. I'm sure there are also many single moms who would love to stay home with their children, but they have no choice. They must work.

Sometimes I hear middle class working moms say that they also have no choice. They must work. In some cases that might be true, but also sometimes those moms have made other choices about what kind of lifestyle they expect that in itself is a choice. It is true that in order to drive certain cars or live in certain kinds of houses or wear certain kinds of clothes that many women must work outside the home, but that lifestyle is a choice. It is a very different thing to work because you must in order to feed, clothe, and shelter your child with the basics.

Choice is a luxury that I often take for granted, especially after a particularly difficult day being a mom. Choice is freedom. Choice is hope. And choice is just one of the things that poverty steals from people. I am so grateful that even in my most difficult days as a mom, I still have the power to choose. And I want to make sure that I never forget all the millions of mothers here and around the world who do not have the luxury of a choice.

Troubling Headlines on my Mind

2010-10-07T12:16:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of things that I am unsure of, but one thing I know for sure is that having Micah has woken me up from a deep spiritual sleep that I didn't even know I was in. Sometimes when I hold her; really hold her, not just to get her dressed or change or her diaper or keep her from jamming something sharp or dirty or electrical in her mouth, but hold her. Treasure her. Breathe her in. I get this little glimpse of holiness as if I too had somehow reached out and touched the hem of God's robe and felt the sacred power enter me. When I look at her and really see her, remembering that she was once just a little speck of a fish swimming inside me and now she is here and real and warm and full of light, I feel as if I am standing in the presence of God. Not because she is some perfect child. Far from it. She is as fussy and demanding as any sticky, clingy toddler can be. But because as her mother I have a unique front row seat to see up close the image of God sparking in her. And now I really know for the first time that all that stuff about each of us containing the image of God is actually true. I have always believed it. But Micah has given me the gift of seeing it. It might sound crazy, but the feeling is so overwhelming sometimes that I don't know whether to dance or pray or burst into tears. The swell of love in me is so much bigger than my tiny soul could possibly hold. I know that it must come from something bigger than me. Something I call God.

These last few weeks the news headlines have been flooded with stories of young people who took their own lives because of bullying related to their sexual orientations. My heart aches for the mothers of those once babies. Babies, who like Micah, carried within them the image of God. Sometimes I wonder what I would do if Micah grew-up and discovered that she was gay. I don't mean that I wonder whether I would accept her. There is no question in my mind about that. I mean I wonder what I would do about my relationships with other people...family, friends, church folk, who might try to tell her and me that she was somehow less. Who might try to diminish the image of God within her. Who might think they are being kind by saying "love the sinner hate the sin" but all time are still alienating and rejecting my baby, my love, my very window to the wonder of God.

No matter what you think about this issue, too many children are dying. Too many mothers are weeping. History is going to judge us harshly on this one. When I think about Micah being put in that situation I feel fiercely protective. I would shout my love and support for her from the rooftops. I would reject any person or institution that tried to deny the image of God in her. I would do whatever I could to protect her life and her spirit and her joy. So why should I feel any different about any other Mother's child?

Mothers and Daughters and the Cultural Divide

2010-09-27T10:06:00.000-07:00

I watched the movie, "Spanglish" again last night. I have seen this film 8-10 times and I still cry every time I watch the final scene between Flor and her daughter Cristina. If you haven't seen the film it is a gem. A beautiful, heartbreaking, and funny look at mother/daughter relationships, cross-cultural communication, the hidden lives of hard-working immigrants, and the giant socio-economic divide between the rich and poor. Here is the trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXkSBXrdDxs

In the final scene Cristina is angry with her mother because of a decision Flor makes to protect and preserve her daughter from being completely swallowed up by white, American, upper middle class culture. They are standing in the middle of the street and Cristina is yelling at her mother. She tells her that she is "unfair" and that she is"ruining her life." Flor looks almost as if she had been slapped. She tells Cristina, "I am sorry to make you face the central question of your life at such a young age. Is what you want out of life to be so very different from me?"

My daughter, Micah, is only a year old, but I am already afraid of conversations like this one that we will eventually have. I had them with my mother and I'm sure she had them with hers. The mother/daughter relationship gets pretty tricky to navigate around eleven or twelve and doesn't seem to get easy again until 25 or so. When I was a teenager I thought that I wasn't anything like my mother and that I would never want to be. I know I said things that hurt her deeply. And I am afraid of the day when Micah will start to say those words to me. The only thing that gives me hope is knowing how much I value my Mom now and how close we have become, so I know it's possible to get through. But as difficult as I anticipate those days will be, I cannot imagine the way the pain is magnified for immigrant Moms who are not only losing their daughters to teenage angst, but also losing them, in a sense, to America.

When the mother daughter cord is already stretched it's tightest, I can't imagine adding the tension of language and cultural differences, the tension of the upside-down power structure when a child must be the translator and cultural broker for a parent. And how does the immigrant mother connect with her daughter when she has never attended an American school, when she cannot communicate with or is afraid to communicate with teachers, and often must work long hours in a low paying job that is physically demanding and mentally numbing? What does she do when she can't ever be sure if her daughter is fully explaining things? When her daughter laughs at the mother's attempts at English or social participation? When the daughter has so many extra reasons to see herself as wanting to be so different from her mother because they live in two completely different worlds.

I think immigrant Moms, and especially single immigrant Moms, must be commended for their ability to make it through the teenage years and maintain a strong connection to their daughters. They deserve our recognition and support. I could learn a lot from the women who are walking those paths. I think we all could.

If you haven't seen "Spanglish" put it on your list of must sees. But have the tissues ready.

First Birthday Blessings

2010-09-20T10:05:00.000-07:00

Micah is now a one year old. A blessed one year old. Here are some of the ways she is blessed: She has access to medical care; a 12 month well-child check with a caring doctor and vaccines to protect her from disease. She has access to good nutrition: protein, fruits, vegetables and clean, safe water. She has loving family and friends who gathered to celebrate her first year and a great church family to nurture and support her spirit. She has access to brain developing toys and books, and a clean, safe place to play. These are simple things that I often forget to stop and be thankful for. Many, many children throughout the world and even here in the US do not have access to these fundamental building blocks of a healthy life. But every child should have them. Every child could have them if we all decided together to give that as a birth day gift to the world. Imagine a world where every child had basic health care, education, nutrition, a clean safe environment, and a loving supportive community around them. Just imagine the kind of heights we could reach as a people if we could unlock the creativity and potential of all those children who are chained and broken by poverty. A new world is possible. It must be. If we can make a way to travel to the moon, than surely we can make a way to protect the early lives of our children. "Our children." Because after all, they all belong to us. If it's good enough for Micah, then I say it's good enough for every mother's child. Whether they live in Aurora Illinois or Kibera, Kenya. I spent a lot of time planning and preparing for Micah's party. I wanted to give her something special, and I think I did (though she won't remember it.) But maybe next year we'll throw a birthday party for all the children of the world and ask our guests to think about giving a gift that can do more than just bless a little girl who is already blessed. We are so grateful for all the people who came to celebrate with Micah and all the kind and thoughtful presents she received. We are blessed to be a blessing, so we're going to work hard to try to think about how we can share from our abundance. Check out this video below about one way to help children around the world with your voice.

http://one.org/us/actnow/globalfund2010/signed.html?id=1946-3056116-zpJ.tRx&t=1

Who Am I Now?

2010-09-10T14:30:00.000-07:00

In five days my baby girl will turn one. I have spent nearly every day of the past year at home focused on her. Holding her. Feeding her. Reading to her. Watching her grow. Trying to be a good mom. Practicing my new identity. Giving up much of my former self and stretching my little heart into something new...something she calls "Mama." I am "Mama" now. And sometimes I go days without ever hearing my old name. Mostly that's ok. But there are parts of the old Desiree that I miss. Parts that are so much harder to cultivate now than they were before my baby was born. A year after becoming a mom I am still wondering, "Who am I now?" Do I still have something to contribute to the world? Can I still be a part of the movement for justice? Can I give more than everything Micah needs from me?

Motherhood is tricky. I know what the research says about how critical these first three years are in the development of her little brain. I want to pour myself into her. I want to give her everything I can. I want to read to her every day and take her to the children's museum and the nature center and the library. Her world is my world. She is everything to me. She has sucked me in heart and soul. But sometimes my singular focus on Micah makes me forget that there are other little ones out there in the world. Hungry little ones. Sick little ones. Neglected little ones. When I stop to think of them I wonder how I can possibly make time for them on top of what I'm trying to give to Micah.

I feel the tension. Part of me wants to keep trying to be a force to change the world, but a big part of me wants to just drop out of the world completely and focus all my energy and attention on Micah. To put everything else on hold until I can at least get her through preschool. In some ways I feel like I've already dropped out of the world. Or at least that Micah has become the world to me. I've spent hours thinking about how to make her birthday party special. But no time thinking about all the other kids around the world turning one next week. The old Desiree had a deeper sense of burden for those other kids. In some ways becoming a mother has deepened my compassion for others and in other ways becoming a mother has limited my ability or willingness to act on that compassion.

How can I hold tight to Micah and hold tight to the Micah 6:8 life at the same time? Sometimes I don't feel like I have enough space in me to do both. This blog used to be called, "Remembering Kibera" because it was focused on remembering my friends who live difficult lives in the largest slum in Africa called, Kibera. I still think about Kibera all the time. But I wonder what impact I will be able to have on Kibera and places like it now that Micah is my world.

I want to love my baby girl with every ounce of my power and I want the best possible start for her. As I'm sure all the mothers of the little girls turning one next week in Kibera do too.

Check out this link!

2009-04-17T08:41:00.001-07:00

Check out this link about Kibera and other slums around the world.

http://www.theplaceswelive.com/

A Summer Without Africa

2009-02-09T08:32:00.000-08:00

For the past three years Rick and I have had the blessing of spending 3-4 weeks of the summer in Africa. But this year Rick will be taking his bar exam in late July, so because of that and some other circumstances we will not be able to continue our tradition this summer. I am, however, still sending a team of North Central students to Kenya. I've begun working on a tentative schedule for them and the thought of not participating in the days I'm planning is a little heart breaking. I'm feeling sad and disappointed, not because Africa needs me, but because I need Africa. It has been one of the places where I experience Jesus most intensely and sincerely. I hope that these new life circumstances are only a break from and not an end to our opportunities to travel there. I am so very grateful for all the African people I know and for all they have taught and continue to teach me. Even though I will be home in Illinois this summer, a part of my heart will always be in Africa.

Winter at Bryan House

2009-02-02T09:24:00.000-08:00

The kids at Bryan House have found ways to enjoy their very first winter in America. This is a picture of Rick throwing snowballs at eleven year old Nahom. They also built a snowman for the first time, but they gave-up quickly on shoveling the sidewalk, ramp, and driveway to earn a little extra money. Too cold : ) They sometimes wear their coats and hats inside. But it's still hard to get them to wear socks and real shoes instead of sandals.

Now that it's February, I am getting winter weary. I'm ready for the sunshine to melt the snow. Except that there's a little problem with the roof at Bryan House in some places and melting snow means leaking water. Unfortunately you can't fix the roof while the snow is still there, so some leaking this spring is probably unavoidable. Ah the joys of owning a one hundred year old building! I don't know whether to hope for early spring for the sake of my state of mind or to hope for a long freeze for the sake of not dealing with any extra weeks of drippy ceilings and filling buckets. We did have someone shovel part of the roof. But it is probably not done snowing yet.

OBAMA!

2009-01-20T06:40:00.000-08:00

Celebrating the New Year

2009-01-06T14:03:00.000-08:00

Here's a picture from the New Years Celebration at our house. We had guests from Congo, Togo, and Rwanda. It was a fun night (even though we did the early New York countdown.) Everyone likes to get their picture taken with Obama. : )

Happy New Year!

2008-12-31T11:08:00.000-08:00

Peace Not War

2008-12-18T06:50:00.000-08:00

Check out this beautiful peace anthem by my friend Kevin Prchal. The picture in the background was taken at a school we visited on our trip to Uganda this summer.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.channel&ChannelID=162653497

Today

2008-12-12T07:49:00.000-08:00

It's quiet in the office today. I'm thankful for a handful of quiet days in December to collect my thoughts. To slow down. To breathe in Advent. It's been a long, full year. I'm grateful to all the people who have helped us get through it. Who have helped us fill it with promise. I have a lot on my mind, but today feels calm and peaceful. Today I will try to hang on to peace.

Rough Times for Refugees & Immigrants

2008-12-04T07:43:00.000-08:00

Last month four refugee families applied to our foundation for help paying their rent so they wouldn't get evicted. Another refugee man we know lost his job and thus lost health care for his family, inlcuding his seven year old daughter and his wife who is 8 months pregnant. We used our assistance fund to make a Cobra payment of $964 which bought them another month of coverage. That extra month has now run out. A family living at Bryan House came to us asking for extra help because their kids were growing out of their clothes and had nothing warm for winter and they didn't have the money to buy them anything. Tonight I will take them shopping. Last night I got word from a friend that a little girl we met through Community 4:12 is moving to Mexico this weekend because her father got deported. The little girl was born in the US and has never lived in Mexico before. I don't know what we could do to help her. And today I received an email from a refugee friend in Kampala, Uganda asking us for help for his family as they cannot find work and they have been waiting for several years to be reunited with their family here in the US. Sometimes when you make friends with refugees and immigrants, sharing the burden of their problems can be overwhelming. But even as we wrestle with feelings of helplessness and frustration, I wouldn't trade my friendships with these families for anything. They teach me about perserverance and faith and joy beyond circumstances. I need them as much as they need me.

O Christmas Tree

2008-11-22T20:19:00.000-08:00

Last night Rick and I decorated our Christmas tree. I know, I know. Pre-Thanksgiving is kind of early for decorating the tree, but I just couldn't wait any longer. For some reason I have an extra helping of Christmas longing this year. Anyway, the tree looks great in our front sun room and at night you can see it from a long way down the street. I love looking at the lights and it makes the darkness that comes so early now not seem so gloomy. Plus the house will look nice for my parents when they come for Thanksgiving. This year we will celebrate with our Iraqi friends: Yayha, Samira & Mirhan, and also our Mauritanian friend, Sada. My parents might also be able to bring my nephew, Royce, which would be really fun. I miss that little guy and I love listening to all his antics in the background when I talk to my parents or my brother on the phone. After this year, I don't want to go through another Christmas without a little family of my own. Hopefully I won't have to, but if I do I'm going to have to borrow some other people's children. Today Rick gets his 3L picture taken at law school. All that's left now is this round of finals, one more semester and then the bar exam. Then we'll get our lives back. Next year during the holidays there will be no studying or papers or tests. That is something to look forward to.

Three siblings, three problems: dropped out, falsely accused, and a reputation for trouble.

2008-11-21T08:37:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you a story about three refugee kids in one family who have had a rough time in school and see if you can figure out the root cause of their problems.

1. The kids came to the US with their Mom, (but without their Dad) in 2000 after fleeing violence, persecution and death in the Democratic Republic of Congo. They were seven, eight, & ten.

2. After a year and a half in the US, their father (who they had not seen in four years) rejoined their family, which required them not only to readjust to having him around, but also to move from their two bedroom apartment to a larger one and to switch schools.

3. In order to afford the bigger apartment, they moved into a more dangerous neighborhood. After a year a man got shot right outside their window, so they moved again and switched schools again.

4. The next apartment was in a safer place, but the family lived upstairs and the ground floor of the building was full of seniors citizens who didn't like the noise of adolescent feet on the stairs or too many other kids coming to visit, so their lease was not renewed. The family moved again.

5. The new place was an old townhouse with an inefficient furnace and high gas bills, but the kids could have their friends over to visit and not worry about complaints. At least they could until a bullet came through their front window. The family started looking for a house to buy.

6. The family managed to get a mortgage for a small slab house in a quiet neighborhood and things seemed to be getting better. But when family members who were still in Africa got really sick and couldn't work, the kids' parents took out a second line of credit against their house to help. They wired thousands of dollars over seas and then the father started losing hours at work and eventually they lost the house. They moved again and changed schools again.

7. Now the oldest boy has dropped out of high school and refuses to do a GED program. The middle boy has been falsely accused of things at school and is on a watch list because of the friends he hangs out with. And the young girl has a reputation as a trouble maker with multiple suspensions.

We've been friends with this family every step of the way. I understand how all these steps have led up to these problems, but somehow I still can't believe that this is where we are. I keep wondering if there was something I could have done to stop it.

Feeling Christmasy

2008-11-17T07:17:00.000-08:00

The flurries outside are making me feel Christmasy. I admit that I have already started listening to Christmas music and I am eager to start decorating. I am usually not like this. Not sure what's gotten into me. Here is a great picture of my friends: Dollar, Musa, & Yasmin from Christmas 2005. They all slept over at our house on Christmas Eve. This is the time of year that I especially wish I had kids. Maybe next year.

Sacrifice At Bryan House

2008-11-11T17:06:00.001-08:00

Bryan House (www.bryanhouse.org) needs a lot of things, including a new back parking lot. The old one is all broken-up and probably won't survive another winter. We had the budget to fix it, but it's going to have to wait. Why? Because we have made a commitment to tithe from our budget to support international refugee crisis and prevention programs through World Relief. This year our tithe will buy 35 Family Survival Kits for parents and children displaced by the escalating violence in Congo. Maybe you've read about about this conflict or heard it on the news. Check out this link to learn more: http://community.wr.org/Page.aspx?pid=1274

YOU MIGHT BE ASKING YOURSELF, "WHY WOULD BRYAN HOUSE TITHE WHEN ALL THEIR MONEY ALREADY GOES TO A GOOD CAUSE?" GOOD QUESTION. HERE'S OUR ANSWER:

Bryan House Community Development Corporation believes in and practices the Biblical tithe for three main reasons. First, it is an ordained Spiritual discipline designed to increase our generosity and strengthen our faith and trust in God. Malachi 3:10 says, “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse… Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.” By giving away ten percent of our annual budget, we, along with the refugees we serve, become a community strengthened and blessed by intentional sacrifice.

Second, we practice the tithe because it is part of God’s plan to care for the poor and suffering, and because Jesus taught us that our neighbor isn’t just the person who lives next door. Deuteronomy 26:12 says, “When you have finished setting aside a tenth of all your produce in the third year, the year of the tithe, you shall give it to the Levite, the alien, the fatherless and the widow, so that they may eat in your towns and be satisfied.”

Thirdly we tithe as a witness and encouragement to the Church. We have heard many church leaders lamenting that there isn’t enough in their budgets to make it possible to tithe to the poor, or making excuses that since everything they do is the work of God, there is no need to dedicate ten percent to the poor. All of the work we do is with refugees in our community who are trapped in the cycle of poverty, and yet we choose to tithe because we recognize that there are even greater needs outside our own community. We tithe as a challenge encouragement to churches to do the same. The Church has always been called to make these kinds of sacrifices. In 2 Corinthians 8 Paul says this to the church at Corinth, “And now, brothers, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability…Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality, as it is written: "He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little."

WE ARE GLAD TO SHARE WITH OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN NEED IN EASTERN CONGO. PLEASE CONSIDER JOINING US BY GIVING TO WORLD RELIEF.

Celebrating with Iraqi Refugee Friends & Emails from Kenya

2008-11-04T21:30:00.000-08:00

From our friend, Vincent in Nairobi:

Hi,Siz n Bro,

What a wonderful moment not only to the people of America but to the whole world,i respect the election of your people you are truly the world model,because the people themselves shape the future they want only that the leaders lets us down....

I hope one day you will get one of my paintings to Mr.President Barack Obama to Congratulate him.

On 6th/11/08 has been officially been announced that it will be a public holiday here in Kenya.We will celebrate the new president of America in this historic moment.
May God bless you all for everything you are doing.

Happy regards,
Vincent.

From Kevin Otieno at Kivuli Centre Nairobi:

Finally, the dream of Martin Luther King has been fulfiled in America.We in Kenya wished Obama all the best and we new as it was the rest of the world`s wish to see change come to America .We hope this change would work towards restoring any broken relationship between America and the rest of the world.

I hope that the relation ship between Kivuli boys (Koinonia Community ) and your family together with your husband and friends shall remain intact.Kivuli boys this year are going to perform in Ital during December holidays.

I`m also a proud person as i have joined Catholic University this year and i m studying Social sciences. I also would like to thank your husband for Obama T-shirt that he gave to me and stickers.We really miss you all! Otherwise Thanks in advance.

An Election Message from the Kibera Slum

2008-11-03T08:22:00.001-08:00

Below is an email I received from my friend Joseph who lives and works in the largest slum in Africa, Kibera - Nairobi Kenya. They have high hopes for the American election day tomorrow, and still higher hopes for the example America can set in the world. I don't think that America is the "last great hope for the world" as many people (including Obama) have said, however, I do hope that we Americans can start a new chapter beginning tomorrow and move toward greater equality, love for our neighbors, respect for differences, an end to war, and care for the poor and neglected. It is time for a new day.

And I can't wait to call my friends in Kenya and to talk to all the African refugees I know here in the US after the final results come in tomorrow. I don't place my hope in politics, but I can't help feeling that something good is on the rise. I hope we can live up to our own ideals.

Hi Desiree, Here in Kenya it's exactly ten minutes to one. This means by East African Standard time, your polling day is measurable in hours now. We thank you because your country is a great nation with a people endowed with wonderful visions. Yours is the manager of the global economies, politics and etc. You had told us what you believe in, and we were very thankful; not because Obama has got its root in our country, but because of a real change both you and him "believe in". Africa and Kenya in general , and western part of Kenya in particular praises American people for showing the world maturity in politics. This is a good precedent for the people of this world; they have proved that Americans regard this world as godly and the people living in it are ONE irrespective of color, creed, religion, background, tribe etc. provided he or she can articulate the sentiments of the majority. On behalf of all KISCODEP members, I wish you a happy voting day. Thank you! Thank you very much!!! Joseph

Christophrenia

2008-10-31T07:39:00.000-07:00

I am a self diagnosed Christophrenic. It's kind of like being schizophrenic, except that the source (or maybe just the subject matter) of my confusion and delusion is the Christian Church. Specifically the American Christian Church. Somehow this powerful institution has managed to convince me to hold two opposing beliefs and cling to them simultaneously as truth, even though one seems to negate the other. So I walk around everyday unsure of what is real and what is imagined. Or maybe I just lack the courage to decide. In any case, my condition has left me tired, confused, and wondering who I really am and what Jesus really wants from us. Here are the two opposing beliefs:

Belief One

1. Because the church's mission is to bring as many people as possible into relationship with Christ, we must use every technique available to attract people to the church. If cool spaces, high quality video, great music, professional marketing etc. is what gets people to come, then we should unapologetically spend money on those things and do whatever it takes to attract people to Jesus. And it makes sense that tastes in more affluent areas are more expensive, so that means that doing church will cost more in those areas and that's okay. Eventually the people who come to church will be transformed by the message of Jesus and we will teach them to help the poor, but if they are not attracted to the church in the first place, then they will never hear the message, so there's no reason to give up part of what we're doing in our church in order to help the poor, because we are already missional and in the long run we will get more people to help the poor this way. The highest call of the Church is to help people with personal salvation, not to do social gospel work.

Belief Two

2. The church is primarily about calling people to follow Jesus and join a community of believers in a new way of life that expands their definition of family and shatters their ideas of ownership. What Jesus asked his followers to do is to usher in the Kingdom of God on earth, which looks totally different from the prevailing culture of greed, selfishness, and ambition. Christ-followers are the ones courageous enough to stand up for the poor, the neglected, and the hated. They are a community of sacrifice who share in a way that eliminates poverty among them and works with the logic of the upside-down kingdom. They are a peculiar people who seek to give up everything in order to find what is really valuable. It is a narrow road and not everyone will choose it, but there is no option to make the road wider and more comfortable. The highest call of the Church is to ask people to join "the Way" -- this way of life that is an expression of God's Will being done of earth as it is in heaven.

HOW CAN BOTH OF THESE BELIEFS BE TRUE AT THE SAME TIME? NOW YOU UNDERSTAND WHY I AM A CHRISTOPHRENIC.

I love My Kids! And I want great things for them.

2008-10-29T07:31:00.001-07:00

Rick and I don't have any children of our own yet, but the three kids in this picture: Musa, Little Rick, and Dollar (pronounced Doe - la) are just like family to us. I love these guys! Last night we celebrated Musa's 9th birthday. I can't believe it's been five and a half years since we first met them. Back then Dollar was in diapers and little Rick wasn't even born.

On Monday I stopped at their house to visit and Dollar asked me, "Who are you going to vote for President? Obama or THE John McCain." I told her to guess. She said, "I know, THE John McCain." (I'm not sure why she added "THE" to his name.)

"Nope," I said. "I'm voting for Obama." She frowned at me. "Hey, but you're white!" she said. I laughed a little bit at her response, but it made me sad. Dollar and I have been like family for five and a half years, white and black together. I love her like my own daughter, and yet somehow she has still managed to learn that white and black don't mix. That white people have reservations about choosing a black candidate. Dollar lives in Wheaton in a low income housing complex, but I'm sure that many of the kids in her Wheaton school come from affluent, white, evangelical homes. They are having a mock election at her school, so maybe she just noticed that most of the white kids (reflecting their parent's values) are voting for THE John McCain, and assumed that's what all white people will do. I tried to explain to Dollar that I was voting for Obama because I like his ideas, and that I would never vote for someone just because of the color of his or her skin. And I told her that I like and love lots of black people, her included. And I gave her a big squeeze and a kiss before she wiggled away to go play. I'm not sure she understood what I was saying. She's only in second grade. (Though old enough to pick up on racial divides that this election is bringing to the surface.)

For so many reasons, but especially for Dollar's sake, (and kids like her) I really hope that Obama wins next week. I hope that black kids all across this country have the opportunity to learn something new about what is possible for them. I hope they have the chance to hear white people saying how proud they are of our new President, who happens to be black. I hope we get the chance to change Dollar's mind about white people and how they behave. That we get a chance to repent of our broken history and start a new chapter.

Dollar is from a people group in Somalia that has been mistreated, put down, labeled, and abused for centuries. She came to the US with her family to find refuge from that kind of treatment. I desperately want her to find REAL equality here. I want her to know her own worth and value. I want her to know, not only that this white woman loves her like crazy and thinks she is totally amazing, but that white people in general respect and admire our black brothers and sisters.

Dollar also comes from a Muslim household and knows that "Muslim" has been used like an insult against Obama (though he is, in fact, a Christian.) I also want her to know, not only that this Christian woman loves that spunky, joyful, Muslim little girl, but that Christians in general love and respect our Muslim brothers and sisters.

I dream of the day when that's what Dollar experiences at school and in her neighborhood. It's time we started a new story in America, so that ALL our kids can have an equal chance at greatness.

Hurt Feelings

2008-10-17T23:40:00.000-07:00

Today I hurt someone's feelings by speaking out. I can't share all the details but it involved challenging an organization this person was inviting me to get involved with -- an organization that portends to be an interfaith peace group, but was started by a very controversial "church" which has a leader who has written his own version of scripture, claims to be the Messiah and also claims to be able to communicate with the dead and to have produced sinless children. Their main goal is to create one world religion and one world government under the leadership of their leader. (Hmm, that sounds familiar from an earlier post.) I also had to warn some of my colleagues about the organization because they had been contacted by the same person with the same invitation.

The person who invited me is very sweet and soft spoken and seems very innocent. I know that I embarrassed her by revealing the information. I tried to be firm, but gentle. But there wasn't any way that I could have said nothing. I know that now she thinks I am just judgemental and intolerant of her religion. I know that she deeply and sincerely believes in the goodness of the organization and it's mission. She says there is no agenda of conversion, but I find that very difficult to believe. I felt the need to protect those around me from what many people consider a cult. She said, "Couldn't people just come and see and decide for themselves?" It's a very rational question, I suppose...if it wasn't for the context.

I still feel shakey from the experience. I don't know if she will ever come and talk to me again. I hope she will. I don't like the feeling of someone thinking that I might be against religious freedom or interfaith movements. I am certainly not. But I am against any church that concentrates authority in one powerful leader who rewrites scripture and claims to be the Messiah. Religions are so crazy. And people are so hungry for some kind of meaning and some kind of answer. That's why churches have to be so careful about how they lead and teach. The vulnerable are easily swayed, for good or for bad. People in churches need to think for themselves, no matter how good the Pastor is. I hope the little lamb I met today can listen for the voice of the Shepherd rising above the sound of wolves. I hope I can too.

The Bible tells me so.

2008-10-15T09:34:00.000-07:00

Our Bible doesn't say, "God Bless America." Our Bible says, "God so loved the WORLD."

Christians make me so mad!

2008-10-10T07:11:00.000-07:00

If one more Christian declares, hints, or wonders out loud or over email to me about how Obama may in fact be the antichrist, I think my head will explode or I will tatoo the words "Christian No More" on my forehead or I will move to Kenya and never come back. Just in case you have been the recipient of these ridiculous rumors (as I have many times now), here is a good response my husband wrote recently to help a friend know how to answer:

Hey Kevin, yeah, on behalf of christendom I sincerely apologize that you had to be subjected to that level of ignorance. It's not necessarily that persons fault... they just aren't well informed and have fallen prey to some pretty radical people who have gone to great lengths to try to prop up this level of extremism. There's a good website that defends rumors against Obama from Christian Perspective called "Put Away Falsehood" based on a verse in Ephesians that warns against this very type of false teaching or rumor mongering (www.putawayfalsehood.com)

Unfortunately they haven't articulated a direct response to this most extreme, yet surprisingly common rumor about Obama (I've heard it many times). My first response to anyone who says this would be to ask them not only WHY they think Obama is the antichrist, but what they think the antichrist actually is and whether they even know what the bible says about the anti-christ.

The Bible only contains four direct references to the "antichrist" (in the most common translations) and NONE of them have anything whatsoever to do with why this rumor is being spread around (though, as previously mentioned, the Bible has plenty to say about how wrong it is to pass judgment on others and spread rumors/gossip). All four of the references to the antichrist in the Bible simply talk about someone who denies Christ, preaches against him or says that he is not the son of God. That's it. Period.

Chances are that this person either read one or more of the radical, right-wing, christian propaganda books in the "Left Behind" series or heard this rumor from someone who had. Unfortunately these books have been read by millions of Christians. They're terribly judgmental, divisive and exclusionary books that the world would be far better without. In those books, they develop a character who is the anti-christ which is loosely based on the allegorical "Beast" in Revelations. Without any real biblical basis, the "Left Behind" books create an antichrist character that is a charasmatic political leader trying to consolodate his power by uniting the world into a single community under a single leader & single radical religion. A pretty far stretch from the 10-headed "beast" in Revelations who marks people w/ 666. Along the way, the Obama/antichrist rumor has picked up some stuff about him being a muslim and in my mind the rumor would simply have NEVER gotten to the point that it has if Obama were white. This antichrist rumor has strong, strong racial overtones to it.

So BOTTOM LINE is that there is nothing in the Bible WHATSOEVER to point to any similarities between Obama and what the Bible says is the anti-christ. The concept of the anti-christ in the bible is specifically aimed at false prophets/preachers who deny the incarnation or divinity of Jesus. Obama has NEVER done any such thing--In fact he has explicitly, repeatedly and consistently done the opposite. In both of his books, he directly acknowledges that he believes Jesus is Lord. In fact he has acknowledged this belief far more often and more directly than John McCain has. It is an undisputed fact that until very recently many christians were unhappy with and did not support John McCain precisely because he has typically refused to talk about his Faith and most believe that he (McCain) is not a very spiritual person... which is to say that he does not appear to know much of anything about the Bible when asked, has not cited examples of prayer being a meaningful part of his life since he was in a POW camp, and appears to know very little about the tenants of the denomination that he identifies himself with...

Anyway, I obviously could go on and on, but as you already knew when you texted me, this rumor is nothing short of crazy talk. But it is worth pointing out to anyone who espouses such views or shares a concern about it, that it is simply IMPOSSIBLE to support such a view from a Biblical standpoint. So if Christians want to argue against the Bible and why the only author to ever mention the antichrist (John) was wrong in his description of the anti-christ... or how Obama corresponds with the 10-horned/7-headed beast/dragon/leapord/bear with ten crowns who has "called down fire from heaven to earth in full view of men" (from Revelations)... then I suppose they're entitled to try to connect such disparate dots.

I know that's A LOT of stuff. But unfortunately, while there's little or nothing to support this rumor, it'd take ages to point out all of the many ways in which those who believe this rumor have been misled or fooled into believing this non-sense.

Hope this helps a little.

--rick.

Negative Campaign Attacks are Hurting All of Us.

2008-10-07T08:30:00.000-07:00

As each day gets us closer to the election I find myself feeling angrier and angrier and sometimes I don't even know how to feel about my friends and family members and fellow church goers who plan to vote differently than I do. The intensity of the rhetoric on television and in the newspapers and ridiculous email fowards has me in a constant state of agitation. I feel so strongly about my choice for President that I find myself thinking that the outcome of the election could change the way I feel about the friends I have who disagree with me. I realize this is not healthy or appropriate. But in my mind the choice is so crystal clear, so black and white, so right guy/wrong guy, that I find it difficult to imagine how people who seem to have similar values as I do could come to such different conclusions. And I'm sure people on the other side feel the same way about me. I am trying hard to control my emotions and to be reasonable, but the recent negative attack ads are making it very difficult. And of course we all say we don't want that kind of campaign, but even so we pay attention to those ads and they sway us. Politicians know they work and so they use every weapon at their disposal. If the negative ads didn't work on us, they wouldn't use them. If being kind and respectful and honest was what won votes, then all politicians would do that. But the divide and conquer method seems to work best as a strategy, and so here we are divided, angry, and hating those who disagree with us more than ever. Not exactly a great way to run a country. If we feel that way across political lines in our own country, how are we supposed to handle foreign relations across cultural lines. This is dangerous stuff. In my mind the negative stuff has been a lot heavier on one side than the other. But if you're voting on the other side, you probably think your guy has the cleaner hands. I'm not talking about SNL skits and stuff like that, I'm talking about stuff coming straight out of the campaigns themselves. Stuff like Palin accusing Obama of "paling around with terrorists" and trying to drag Jeremiah Wright back into the picture because they know how much that angry black pastor scares old white people. I think it's kind of funny how people can claim that Obama is a secret Muslim and at the same time tie him to a controversial Christian Pastor. Which is it? You can only pick one. Okay, so now I have revealed my view (if you didn't know already.) Maybe you're on the other side and have gotten your own earful of false negative stuff about your candidate too. The other day I saw an email forward from a friend that said she wouldn't vote for Obama because he's a secret Muslim and possibly the anti-christ. When I see stuff like that I feel like my head is going to explode. It makes me so angry! I don't think the negative stuff about McCain has been quite that insane, but maybe I'm wrong. If you want to read about some Christians who have responded to the falsehoods spoken about Obama check out http://www.matthew25.org/

If you have anything you think is helpful in despelling false rumors about McCain, let me know.

Fall Reflections

2008-10-06T06:34:00.001-07:00

It's chilly this morning and the change in temperature makes my joints ache. Makes me feel older than I am. It's cloudy and the lack of sunlight coming through my bedroom windows made it harder to get out of bed. Today I feel like hibernating. Staying inside under the covers with a good book and a cup of cocoa. There is something about fall that makes me start to reflect on life in a different way. Maybe because another Thanksgiving and Christmas is coming and I still don't have any babies of my own to share the season with, and I still don't have a book of my own on any shelf. Or maybe because I always get this urge in the fall to re-read all my Madeleine L'Engle books. Especially the books about family: the Austins and O'Keefes.

More and more I have a longing for family. And more and more a longing to write. But somehow I don't quite believe that either of those things will ever really be possible for me now. I'm not sure why I have this dread feeling. I just do. There is a heaviness in my chest that won't go away. Maybe I am just impatient. But life is passing by so quickly and there is part of me that is afraid that we've already put things off too long. Maybe it's just because my birthday is coming next month and I just never imagined reaching this number and not having a baby and a book and I don't have either. Or maybe it's because it seems like all the people we know who got married around the time we did already have babies (some have two or three) and I feel a little left out of the club.

Don't get me wrong, I have a great life. I have a fulfilling, meaningful job and a terrific marriage. I have significant relationships in my church and my community. I have had amazing opportunities to travel and to participate fully in life. I am healthy. Nothing is really wrong. It's just that fall has this pull on me and reminds me where the empty places are and makes them harder to forget. Fall makes it harder for me to leave the house, harder to push forward, harder to be okay with things as they are. It's strange, because I love fall. I might even say it's my favorite season. I like cool weather and contemplation. I like cocoa and the leaves. But I really wish I had a child to take to the apple orchard, to get a halloween costume for, to snuggle up and read to. Fall esepcially feels like family time. And I feel left out.

The Big Two: Why Jesus could never win a presidential election.

2008-10-02T09:28:00.000-07:00

His platform on the Economy would be considered naive and impractical:

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also....No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money. Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?
-Matthew 6:19-21 & 24-25

Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." - Mark 10:21

His platform on national security would be considered dangerous:

"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." Matthew 6:43-44

"Love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High."- Luke 6:35

"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth. But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also."
-Matthew 5:38-39

WOULD YOU VOTE FOR A CANIDATE WITH A PLATFORM LIKE THAT?

A Great Day At Bryan House

2008-09-29T08:20:00.001-07:00

A special thank you to everyone who made the Bryan House auction a big success! Our prelimary total was $14,000 but there are still a few more donations trickling in, so we anticipate that the final total from the night will go up. An extra special thank you to our friend, Mark Lie, who made the incredible Bryan House cake pictured above. The cake was an exact replica of the house; complete with mailbox, wheel chair ramp, and even the fence around the dumpster. The cake was on display during the auction and then we took it over to the house to share it with the refugee families who are already living there. They were totally amazed! The kids were laughing and choosing which part of the house they wanted to eat. The little girl pictured above is a fifth grader from Congo named Nyota. She is eating her bedroom. She also did a lot of nibbling on the fence. Her Aunt Ketsia said, "Tell your friend he did a great job on the cake, but now that we have eaten our house, where will we live?" The cake brought a lot of joy and laughter to the families at Bryan House. Thanks, Mark!

Eight years ago today....

2008-09-23T07:46:00.000-07:00

Today is the eight year anniversary of my first date with Rick. On this day eight years ago Rick gave me a compilation CD of music (he was inspired to do this by the movie, "High Fidelity"). And each year since then he has given me a new CD with songs that reflect another year together. Romantic, huh?

Our first date was to the Art Institute in Chicago and then out for dinner at Indian Harvest in Naperville. It was a great day and I'm having fun remembering it. Thanks Julie Girdwood (Julie Youngs at the time) for introducing us! A lot of matches came out of that long ago small group/group of CCC friends: (David & Julie Girdwood, Mike & Karen Brown, Rick & Desiree Guzman, Jeff & Tanya DeGraff.) Good work everybody! I miss hanging out with you guys. (Bill & Rachel Carroll too, but they were already married way back then : )

Bryan House Auction

2008-09-22T12:27:00.001-07:00

This week is too busy for blogging. Don't miss the 2nd Annual Bryan House Silent Auction this Friday 7 PM at Community Christian Church in Naperville. Over three hundred items and all the proceeds go to help refugee families in Aurora work and save their way out of poverty in a responsible and dignified way.

For more info go to www.bryanhouse.org

A walk through Kibera

2008-09-13T09:02:00.000-07:00

This is just a glimpse of life in Kibera. Take a walk with me through the streets of the largest slum in Africa. People live like this every single day. Even though I know people who live here and correspond with them regularly, sometimes it's hard for me to remember and believe that a place like this exists.

News from Kibera

2008-09-10T11:03:00.001-07:00

The reason I initially started this blog a little more than a year ago was to write about and process my experiences in Africa, and particularly my experiences in Kibera, the largest slum on the continent. We have some dear friends in Kibera who run an organization called: Kibera Slums Community Development Project. They provide micro-financing for small businesses, offer help to victims of HIV/AIDS, care for orphans and vulnerable children, and seek to grow their community Spiritually. And not only that, they have a vision to reproduce and offer these services across other parts of the country and even other parts of Africa. They are people of big faith and big dreams. And their example of perseverance through hardship and struggle has encouraged and challenged me greatly in my own faith. Joseph, Evelynn, Judith, Teresa, Gabriel, and everyone at KISCODEP are my heroes! Check out their brand new website at www.kiscodep.org
Special thanks to Josh Bonifas for the donation of a digital camera that we were able to bring them this summer, making photos on their website possible!

Kibera is an unfortgetable place. It's what Bono was talking about when he said, "Africa makes a mockery of our sense of justice." Thank God for the KISCOPDEP members who are doing all they can to make a difference. They share what little they have to make life better for their neighbors. They are my ideal of what a real Christ-follower looks like.

Why the Republican National Convention Scared me.

2008-09-05T07:47:00.001-07:00

1. Because they were trying to scare me. Lots of video images of the Oklahoma City bombing, Embassy bombings in Kenya & Tanzania, and Sept. 11th, and the insinuation that with a Republican in the White House we are assured complete safety and no attack on US soil, but with a Democrat in office more attacks are inevitable. Fear is one of their political strategies, so if you weren't afraid you weren't listening closely enough.

2. Using Biblical language about God's People to refer to America alone. Continuing a tradition started by Reagan and used again by George W. Bush, they call America "the City on a Hill." This Biblical term comes from Matthew chapter five. Jesus is talking to his followers. The followers of Jesus (no matter what country they come from) are meant to be the "City on a Hill" pointing toward God. America has no claim on this title. Christians should know better. Jesus teaches us that our identity as children of God comes before national identity. "In Christ there is no Jew nor Greek. . ."

3. Hyper Patriotism that leads to blindness and arrogance. How many times did we hear "America is the greatest country in the world"? What does that mean? That we are better than everyone else? Being grateful for the blessings that come with being American is one thing, but using the language of superiority is something very different. Not a great position from which to start foreign relations. I wonder what other people watching around the world feel when they hear our leaders say things like that? How would we feel if we heard another nation's leaders say it?
"I have never not been proud to be an American" Really? Never? You're actually proud of everything America has ever done in the world? Maybe you aren't paying close enough attention. Native Americans. Slavery. Japanese internment camps. Inventing and using the atom bomb. Torture. The deaths of countless innocents. Responding with war in Iraq, but ignoring Genocide in Rwanda & Sudan...
"We don't want a President who will apologize for America." I disagree. I think a person who refuses to apologize even when we are wrong is not the right person to lead us. I think apologizing when you are wrong takes character and courage. That's what we teach our children. Why is it suddenly not true for the leader of our country?

Proverbs 11:2 "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." Proverbs 16:18 "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall."

4. Embracing the Myth of Redemptive Violence. So many signs that said "Peace through strength." In other words "war and violence is the means by which we will attempt to achieve peace." And how many times did you hear words like fight, battle, war, victory? Vocabulary full of war metaphors tells you something about a person's world view. But Jesus taught us, "Those who live by the sword will die by the sword." And he asked Peter to put the sword away. The vision of the means of settling disputes in the Kingdom of God is very different. "Turn the other cheek. Love your enemies. Pray for those who persecute you. Beat your swords into plowshares. Study war no more." War begets war, not peace.

5. Calling anyone who opposes America "evil." I think we are confusing America and God. Those who oppose God are the evil ones.

6. Not just disagreeing about policies, but belittling your opponent. "I guess being mayor of a small town is kind of like community organizing, except I had real responsibilities." -Sarah Palin. There is nothing shameful about the top law student from the top law school in the country choosing a low paying community organizing job over all the other offers he could have had. Criticizing policies is to be expected, but don't stoop to devaluing a person's work. That's just bitter and mean and not very respectable.

7. Misplaced priorities and the religion of Patriotism. "Country First." What does that mean exactly? That I should put my country above God? Above my family? Above anybody from any other country in the world? And how does giving tax breaks to the rich equal "Country first, not me first." That doesn't even make sense. The Bible says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart soul and mind and your neighbor as yourself." And who does Jesus say our neighbor is? Everyone. There is no national boundary that keeps someone from being our neighbor. "God First, and the needs of ALL my brothers and sisters first." I refuse to worship America.

"My first allegiance is not to a flag, a country or a man. My first allegiance is not to democracy or blood. It's to a King and a Kingdom." -- Derek Web

This Republican Convention really scared me. I'm sure the Democrats are using some of this language as well, but it seemed louder and more pronounced in St. Paul. There are some things more dangerous and more terrifying than terrorism.

Rick to the Rescue

2008-08-29T12:52:00.001-07:00

For the last several weeks I've been feeling like I've hit a brick wall. I'm worn out from trying to do too much for too long and it's catching up with me. I've been dropping out of life a little bit, but Rick has been taking everything on himself. Despite starting back to law school a couple weeks ago he is also doing almost everything that we need to get done for the Bryan House Auction and for coordinating the renovation of an apartment that needs to be handicapped accesible by Monday. Plus he is still working on East Aurora project stuff with Kirsten and doing his homework. I don't know how he does it. I think he kind of likes our life like this. I'd prefer it to be a little more managable, but that is not likely to happen anytime soon. There will be no fun for us this weekend. Hopefuly we get it all the renovation done by Monday. Where did the summer go?

Comfort Food

2008-08-27T07:27:00.000-07:00

Whenever I find myself in a place of doubt and fear, I reach for my favorite comfort food, the writings of Madeleine L'Engle. Yesterday I read her Newberry Honor book, "A Ring of Endless Light" for probably the twentieth time or so. Maybe more. Something about her books help me reach out for God again when I feel myself shrinking back into fear and self pity and doubt. Her books have been a great source of hope and strength for me as long as I can remember. I don't know which teacher first put "A Wrinkle in Time" in my hands, but I am so grateful. I long to write books like this. Books that help restore and refresh readers. Books that remind us how big and how small the universe is. Books that comfort and challenge at the same time. She is definitely my hero and my role model. A Spiritual giant. A mentor. And though we've never met, she feels like a friend. Thank God for Madeleine L'Engle. Here is the poem by Henry Vaughan from which she derives the title of the book:

I saw Eternity the other night,

Like a great ring of pure and endless light,

All calm, as it was bright,

And round beneath it, Time, hours, days, years

Driven by spheres

Like a vast shadow moved, in which the world

And all her train were hurled.

There is in God, some say,

A deep but dazzling darkness: as men here

Say it is late and dusky, because they

See not all clear.

O for that Night, where I in him

Might live invisible and dim!

Music in Pader

2008-08-24T18:15:00.000-07:00

I'm missing the music of Africa and the day we spent in a little transit camp for displaced people in Pader Northern Uganda enjoying music and friendship. This is just a sample.

Third grade journal

2008-08-20T12:49:00.000-07:00

I found my third grade journal in the basement today. Here is my entry for December 10th, 1984 with the title: If you Could Rule the World, What Would You Do?

I would lower taxes and help the poor. I would stop any wars or battles. I would move some things in the White House.

Here's Janauary 23rd, 1985 with the title: If I Were President.

If I were president of the US I'd help the poor and start programs for sick people.

I think these are still be my answers to those questions : ) I didn't realize that God had this stuff on my heart at such a young age.

Back to School

2008-08-18T07:49:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of Rick's last year of law school. I have been dreading this day a little bit. It's been nice having so much time together this summer, but that is about to end for awhile. Even though the last year of law school is supposed to be the easiest, I have a feeling that this year will actually be the hardest one we've faced so far. Bryan House will soon be in full swing with a thousand details that need our attention, and Rick is becoming more and more engaged in the Lighthouse project for East Aurora, which is great, but will also take time. I thought last year was tough, but this year we have even more to manage. Not to mention that some of our closest refugee friends are moving away and we're feeling kind of lonely just thinking about it. This year will be a test of our endurance and patience. Today marks the start of the marathon. I hope I have what it takes to finish.

Obama Moments in Kenya

2008-08-15T14:16:00.000-07:00

It came as no surprise to us that every where we went in Africa this summer, people were talking about Barack Obama. The t-shirts and stickers and buttons we brought to give out as gifts to our friends ran out quickly. There is something very powerful and intoxicating in the idea that a man whose father grew-up herding sheep in Kenya is now a canidate for President of the United States. But behind all the public cheering and hoopla, in private our friends kept asking us if we really thought Americans would elect a black man for President. Their joy and hope seemed mixed with a kind of careful skepticism, as if they were trying to protect themselves from the danger of believing in this amazing leap toward equality only to find that things have not really changed much at all. I hope the skepticism of my Kenyan friends will prove to be unfounded in November. One day I want to tell my grand children about the day the US elected it's first black President and I want them to grow-up in an America where they will find it surprising that there ever was a time in history when that possibility was in question.

Are We Going to Have Barbeque on the Lawn of the White House?

2008-08-13T10:05:00.000-07:00

What would you do if this happened to you:

Today in the parking lot of the North Aurora Target, Rick was putting his bags in the car when an older woman sitting in a car near him noticed the OBAMA bumper sticker on our Saturn. As Rick was returning his cart to the cart coral the woman yelled after him, "Are we going to have barbeque on the lawn of the White House?"

The woman's tone was a little strange, but Rick assumed that she was an Obama supporter talking about how we would celebrate if he wins the election in November. Rick said, "I sure hope so," and kept pushing his cart, but the woman yelled after him again. This time her tone was even more strange and intense. "No, think about it," she said. "Are we going to have barbeque at the White House."

Rick stopped, not quite believing what the woman was insinuating. "Is that a racial comment?" he asked. The woman raised her eyebrows as if to affirm what she wouldn't quite say out loud. Rick shot her a disapprovingly look and walked away knowing there would probably be no reasonable conversation if he continued.

I know I shouldn't be shocked, but I feel a little shocked. Quiet, subtle racism is everywhere. We see it all the time, but it isn't often that we bump up against the blatant and overt kind in our daily lives. The scars of racial division are deep and wide and ugly in America. This is just one of the reasons I long for diverse neighborhoods, schools, and especially churches. I feel sorry for a woman like this who has obviously never had a loving friendship with a black person. (Anyone who had would never say something like that.)

I don't know if we'll have Barbeque on the lawn of the White House. Maybe we'll have arugula salad instead. In any case I hope we have a fair and decent election free from ugliness and ignorance of racism.

What love looks like in public.

2008-08-11T09:44:00.000-07:00

"Never forget that justice is what love looks like in public." -- Cornel West

Writing on the Wall

2008-08-09T06:50:00.000-07:00

These are just a few examples of the words we saw written on the walls of schools we visited in Northern Uganda. We literally saw "the writing on the wall." I hope we never forget it.

Happy Discovery

2008-08-07T09:13:00.000-07:00

Last weekend Rick and I took five Somali kids (Lulay, Yusuf, Dollar, Musa, & Baby Rick) to Minnesota to visit my family and go swimming in the lake. It was pretty obvious from the first minute we walked into the house that my one and half year old nephew, Royce, had never really been around black kids before. It was really fun to watch him discover them. These pictures don't do the moment justice at all, but Royce spent the evening running back and forth between the kids touching their skin and hair and hugging and kissing them. And just sitting close. There was pure joy on his face as he discovered the differences in his new friends. It was such a privlege to see a child who has not been tainted with anyone's prejudice or the images on tv or years of living separated, just have a beautiful and natural first encounter with difference. I hope that as Royce grows up in a fairly homogenous place, that he will get the opportunity to have some authentic friendships with kids from different ethnic backgrounds. His heart is ready for it.

Beautiful Faces

2008-08-04T11:28:00.000-07:00

These are the faces of children in Northern Uganda. Aren't they beautiful? Stunning, really. It's hard to imagine how the European colonialists could have seen anything but bright shining beauty and potential when they "discovered" Africa. But instead their blind eyes saw inferior people groups to be parented and controlled for their own economic advantage. They left their mark, not only on the land, but on the heart and soul of Africa and her people. But of course they are not the only ones. Over and over again the continent has been raped by men lusting after power and money and prestige. And as the proverb says, "When the elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers."

When will Africa find some rest? Rest from war. Rest from the abduction of her children. Rest from poverty. Rest from disease. Rest from broken hearts and broken promises.

There are moments walking in Africa when you have to wonder if what you are seeing is even real. When you wonder how such incredible suffering could be possible. You wonder how anyone there finds the strength to smile, move, breathe, eat, love. And you feel ashamed. Ashamed of the obscene number of things you own. Ashamed of the invisible cloud of privilege that follows you around where ever you go. And at the same time there is a part of you that feels jealous of what they have. Jealous of the deep well of joy that simplicity has made accessible to them...a well that you cannot seem to reach at home. Jealous of the movement of the Spirit among them that makes Jesus more present than you have ever felt him before.

It's hard to move back into life again here. The only way to do it successfully is to forget Africa exists, and I don't want to ever do that. So I guess I'm in for more days of struggle and confusion. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be.

World Refugee Day in Gulu, Uganda

2008-07-30T07:38:00.000-07:00

If you lived in Gulu in Northern Uganda you'd get this excited about a little shoe box of pencils, paper and small toys too. This is the area of Uganda where a rebel group called the Lord's Resistance Army has been burning villages, killing, raping, and abducting thousands of children in order make them soliders. Gulu is also one of the cities that housed thousands of night commuting children who left their villages each night and walked hours and hours in order to find a safer place to sleep: under verandas and in the bus parks. Two year ago we would not have been able to visit this place. But for now there is tenuous peace agreement.

We were in Gulu to celebrate World Refugee Day (if you can really celebrate such a thing.) These kids received shoe boxes packed by families in Europe and the US as little tokens of encouragement. The young woman in this photo was looking for something a little more encouraging. She told me how her parents were gone and she was living with an Aunt and Uncle. She had finished secondary school, which is almost a miracle in place where she lives, and she really wants to study at the University. She was hoping I would sponsor her studies so she could have a future. What do you say to that? "I can't, but here have a shoe box?" We both walked away from the conversation feeling disappointed.

Write some letters to us.

2008-07-27T08:31:00.000-07:00

The children who are singing in this video are from Faith Homes Primary School in Kapchorwa, Uganda -- one of the most beautiful and most desparate places in the world. A large percentage of the children who attend school here are orphans. Some beacause of HIV/AIDS and other diseases, and some because of war. Everywhere we traveled in Uganda the plea was the same, "Don't forget us. We need you to remember that we are here and we are suffering."

Leaving Africa is always a terrible mixture of sorrow and relief. Sorrow to leave the friends I've made there, and relief to not have to look poverty in the face every moment of every day. But leaving is dangerous because it makes forgetting easier. I started this blog a year ago as a way to keep my promise to remember my friends who are suffering in Africa. I didn't have any time during the trip to write about my experiences, but maybe that's okay because writing it down now when I'm back home is one way to keep me from forgetting. Each time I sit down to write in the next few weeks, I will take some time to remember.

"Our visitors who are leaving, will you write some letters to us?"

At Home in Kenya

2008-07-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

I haven't had much access to the internet, and I have no time to write anything good right now. (I'm okay, Mom : ) I just want to say that it so good to be back home with my good friends in Kenya and I'm so grateful for every day we have here. More later...

African Skies

2008-06-17T20:57:00.000-07:00

Just two days more and we'll be back under African skies. I am more than eager. It is time for me to wrestle with God, and Africa is definitely a place for wrestling. Every American Christ-follower should face the beauty and tragedy of Africa. We all should spend some mornings worshipping in a mud and tin church in a slum and then go home and remember the obscenity of our own wealth. I think it's good for our souls and good for our churches, if we can be brave enough not to ignore it.

This year we will be visiting a displaced persons camp for the first time. IDP camps are basicaly refugee camps for people who have not crossed an International boundary. They are refugees in their own land. An entire ethnic group, the Acholi, have become homeless in Uganda. They are not safe anywhere. If they stay in their villages their children are abducted as soliders in the Lord's Resistance Army. And if they go to the camps they loose their dignity, become dependent on foreign aid, and die by the thousands due to disease and lack of clean water and sanitation. There are no great choices for the Acholi. Choice is a luxury reserved for the privleged and the elite. Choice is a rare thing in Africa.

I will look for Jesus in the camp. He will not be hard to spot. The cries of the Acholi people must be loud in heaven. Jesus will be there crying with them. Join the Acholi in their suffering and you will find yourself in the company of the living God. It's a surer guarantee of ushering in the presence of Christ than even the best Chris Tomlin or David Crowder song.

Meet you under under African skies soon, Jesus. Back to the genesis, to the place where you began everything. The cradle of life. Word into flesh. Darkness into light. To the place where the earth feels young, as if creation was just back behind the last hill and Eden seems to linger around every corner. I can't wait.

Better Together

2008-06-10T21:47:00.000-07:00

I've always known that Rick and I are better together, greater than the sum of our parts; but more and more lately I have the sense that we could do so much more if we could just streamline our energies in one united direction. If there weren't so many side projects we had to do separately...if we could find a way to make our life together and our work one seamless identity, one fluid motion.

Bryan House is becoming too big to be a side project for us, and if we're going to really make an impact on Aurora together, then we will eventually need to spend most of our time in Aurora together. I don't know exactly what the future holds, but I'm convinced that we won't see our full potential until we can focus our energy and we can work together every day towards one common goal. We're starting to think about some possible ways to make that happen. I like the idea of walking to work together, taking a lunch break together, fighting for justice and equality together, and coming home together. I know that sounds like a lot of together. You might even think it's kind of sappy. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to go through life tied together every moment like a three-legged race team, but I do need Rick to do my best and he needs me. Of that I am sure. We're a package deal.

Unlike a lot of people, I think we could be pretty successful at working together every day and being productive without driving each other completely insane. (Not that we don't have our moments.) I feel like God wired us for a together kind of work life. So I'm looking forward to the day when law school is over and when our individual vocations can finally converge and become one. Only then will we really begin to see what we can accomplish together.

Celebrating in Kibera

2008-06-04T10:19:00.001-07:00

I heard on CNN this morning that there has been celebrating in Kibera (and all over Kenya) about Obama's official status as the democratic nominee. I can't wait to be in Kenya again in a couple weeks and celebrate with them. The impossible just became possible. Even if you don't plan to vote for Obama, you have to agree that he has a pretty compelling story. The running joke in Kenya is that is easier for a Luo to get elected in America than in Kenya. (Luo is the tribe of Obama's father and of Odinga who ran for president in Kenya and was denied victory with some fishy methods.)

Can you imagine? We might just have ourselves the first black president. I've known a lot of African refugees who have given birth to children in America and I always tell them, "This child is a natural born US citizen. He or she could be president." Now, finally, I can almost believe that what I tell them is true.

Congratulations Haby!

2008-05-30T07:08:00.001-07:00

Last night my friend Haby Diallo graduated from West Aurora High School. Haby came to the US as a refugee from Mauritania, Africa in December of 2000. When she came she didn't speak any English and starting school in America was kind of rough on her. I remember spending lots of time together working on homework. Rick and I are SO proud of this beautiful and accomplished young woman. She worked very hard to get here. Two other refugees kids we know graduated last night too: Teko from Togo and Nazira from Russia. And Haby's dear friend Isha from Pakistan who started learning English with Haby in 5th grade. Congratulations ladies! I have no doubt that West was a better and more interesting place because you were there. Can't wait to see what you do next! Love you, Haby.

One more picture

2008-05-30T07:04:00.000-07:00

Me with my niece Kyley and my nephew Royce enjoying a rare day all together in Chicago.

LOVE THESE GUYS!

Pictures, Pictures, Pictures.

2008-05-30T06:36:00.001-07:00

Musa & Rick in the car on the way to Rick's 4th birthday party.

Fun with Richard's hammock.

Grandma Marian plays bean bags.

All beef hotdogs for everyone.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOT SO "BABY" RICK!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY RICK!

2008-05-29T12:19:00.000-07:00

Today is "Baby Rick's" (we need to drop the "baby" now, but it's a hard habit to break) fourth birthday. His family has been in America almost five years now. This picture was actually taken at his second birthday party. (I will post pictures from his most recent party soon.) In case you didn't figure it out, Rick is named after my husband. I was in the delivery room when he was born and Rick was waiting right outside.

Baby Rick and his siblings: Musa, Dollar, Ali, & Isha, along with his Mom and Step Dad live at a subsidized housing complex in Wheaton. His Step Dad works hard at a near minimum wage factory job and his Mom stays home to take care of the three children who are not yet school age. Baby Isha was born five months ago and the addition of another little one has made Rick's family too big to legally fit in the apartment they are living in. The housing complex has told them they once Isha is one year, they won't be able to stay there any longer. Rick's mother is very worried about what they will do. She thinks they might move to Wisconsin because they have heard rumors that public aid is better there. I have seen many families move based on those kinds of rumors. Sometimes it works out okay, but often times they find themselves in even worse situations.

It is very difficult for me to think about these guys moving far away. I love these kids like they are my own. In fact, the thought occurred to me that if we took in one or two or three of the kids, they wouldn't have to move. It's probably not the best idea. I wouldn't want to separate the kids from each other or to give some of them a great leap in opportunity while the others are still stuck. I also wouldn't want to divide them from their family and culture and language. And I fear that when they grew up they might resent us for it. I know that Baby Rick's Mom would let us take him if we asked her. She's talked about it before. But this is an idea of desperation, not rationality. And it might even be an idea that's more about what I want than what's best for the kids. But I'm afraid that if they move to Wisconsin and separate themselves from the support system they have here, things will be even harder. I even worry they could end up homeless, and that the kids will get caught in a downward spiral and never get out. They are already behind verbally and academically. Even here it's going to be hard for them.
What would you do? Would you separate a child or children from daily life with their family in order to give them greater opportunity? What's the right answer?

In any case, I can't quite imagine my life without them. So I really, really hope they don't have to move.

Bryan House Family Reunion

2008-05-28T09:20:00.000-07:00

After four long years of waiting, these three orphaned kids (Tumusifu, Nhota, & Maoneo) will finally be joining their only living relatives in the world. This picture was taken in the summer of 2006 when Rick and I had a chance to visit them outside the refugee camp where they live in Kibuye, Rwanda. On June 12th they will be leaving the camp forever and joining their Aunt Ketsia & Uncle Christophe (now their adoptive parents) who have been living at Bryan House since March. I can't wait for the welcome party at the airport! Even when you aren't part of the biological family, nothing beats being at the airport for these family reunions. It is pure joy!

The reality of what these kids have already faced in their short lives is something most of us could never imagine. And the challenges are far from over. They will leave the hunger and disease of the camp behind, but they will still have to learn a new language and a new culture. They will have to catch-up in school and adjust to having parents in charge of them again. Maoneo will experience what it's like to black and male in the United States, and they will all eventually be disillusioned by the reality of how many obstacles they will find in the land of the free. But they will have food and shelter and family again; and that is a lot compared to what they've had.

Bryan House will be helping their Aunt Ketsia & Uncle Christophe save for the down payment on a house, so that eventually they will have a place of their own. A place to build stability and opportunity for these children and for their children after them. Welcome Home children! We've been waiting for you. It's long past time for your family reunion.

Drawing Near to God

2008-05-21T07:02:00.000-07:00

God is near. I believe that everyday. But there have been some particularly important times in my life when God's nearness has been more than just a belief. Times when that nearness became an undeniable reality that no doubt could penetrate or even approach. Times when every inch of my being seemed to be singing God's name. When I remember those moments, I always find myself longing for more of them. And if I am honest, I know they are available to me if I will just draw near again.

"Come near to God and he will come near to you." James 4:8

The summer after I graduated from college everything felt like moving sand. I was back under my parent's roof again and renegotiating my relationship with them after living away for four years. I didn't have a "real job" lined up. I was disconnected from the friends I had made at school and from my church community. And the two Christians role models I admired most wanted nothing to do with me because they disapproved of the guy I was dating -- who admittedly was not kind or good, but started to feel like the only friend I had in the world. During that time I was enrolled in a nine week intensive youth ministry and leadership training program through Tentmakers. Every morning before my classes started I would go into the sanctuary of the church that was hosting us and sit down on the floor in a pool of sunlight coming in through one of the stained glass windows to spend some time with God. Sometimes I sang. Sometimes I prayed. Sometimes I sat quietly just feeling the sun on my face. And sometimes I laid down and cried. Even though everything else in my life felt broken and out of control, those moments alone in the sanctuary with God are still some of my sweetest memories. And though I have no desire to ever go back to that time in my life, I do long for that kind of communion with God again. I need to draw near again.

The last year of my life has been so busy with the work of ministry that I haven't always taken the time I need to draw near to God. More and more I feel myself longing to slow down, longing for a life that isn't quite so scheduled and full. I know that I am not at my best when life is like this, without any real time to reflect and think and draw near. But I can't see any way out for at least the next year. Somehow I still need to find ways to be quiet with God. I need some sanctuary moments. Even if it means neglecting other things. Even if it means disappointing people who want even more of my time.

I'm really looking forward to the day when Rick is done with law school. I am dreaming of the freedom that will come with day, but if I am honest I know that life for us will probably always be busy and over-full. So if I don't figure out how to get back to sanctuary now, it probably won't ever happen.

"Come near to God and he will come near to you." James 4:8

Baby Basket

2008-05-14T13:41:00.000-07:00

Look at this basket of beautiful Haitian babies with no Mommies or Daddies to care for them. Don't you just want to scoop them up right out of the picture and take them home with you? Haiti is the poorest country in the western hemisphere. Parents are so desperate here to feed their children that there are actually people on the streets selling dirt patties to stave off the hunger pains so children can sleep. That same hunger is what leads older children to get high by sniffing glue. And there are many, many orphans here. Some have lost their parents to disease and others have been abandoned because their families cannot afford to care for them. Haiti is only about 90 miles from Florida. This kind of obscene poverty is right in our own backyard. The cries of these children testify against our affluence and apathy. When will we realize that they are all "our children" ? Every last one.

Tomorrow Rick and I are going to an informational meeting on International Adoption. Haiti is one of the programs we are considering, along with Ethiopia and the Philippines. I think I have looked at the picture of these babies in the basket about thousand times now. I can't wait for the day we when can actually welcome a child like this into our home.

Enemy Love

2008-05-13T07:51:00.001-07:00

Enemy love is hard. It's easy for me to point to others who should be doing it, but it's hard when I'm staring my own enemies in the face. Did you ever get one of those aggressive emails that make you stomach sick? (Did you ever write one?) I got one of those this week. I want to rant and scream and complain, but I know what Jesus wants from me: to love my enemies and pray for those who persecute me. So that's what I've got to try to do. If I'm going to take Jesus seriously, then I've got to take the whole thing seriously. Not just the parts that are easy for me. If I can't respond to an email with enemy love, then how could I respond to a slap in the face with enemy love? And it's not about being passive. Enemy love is active. It doesn't mean shutting up and avoiding the conflict. It means reaching out. It means making eye contact and standing courageously before your enemy and then offering the offer cheek, so he can see the humanity of the person he's about to strike. ( I learned that from Shane Claiborne, who probably learned it from someone else.)

Man, this Jesus guy is tough : )

The Earth seems Angry and so do the people.

2008-05-12T05:53:00.000-07:00

The cyclone in Myanmar. An earthquake in China. Tornadoes in Arkansas and Oklahoma and Georgia. Fires in Florida and Coloradado.

Fighting and horror in Darfur, Lebanon, Sudan, Somalia, Iraq, Afghanistan. Israel and Palestine cannot figure out how to be neighbors. Zimbabwe is in the grip of a dictator drunk on power. The myth of redemptive violence is everywhere, on the battle grounds, on the streets and on the playground. Even the Church believes the myth, or at least is silent about it when our own governments turns to violence to solve their problems. War is some how different, at least when we're the ones waging it. Everyone always thinks their own wars are just wars. And it seems now that we have even pushed the earth into using violence to defend herself against us.

The world and the people seem particularly angry lately. Everything is shaking. What am I doing about it? Feeling horrified, and then going back to my coffee and my day unchanged. Being a Christ-follower has to mean something more than this. Because if it doesn't, then it means nothing. We can't follow Jesus and drag our comfort and our nationalism and our homeland security behind us. Sometimes I'm not convinced that the Church is even a good place to learn how to follow Jesus. The Church seems almost indistinguishable from everything and everybody else. There has to be a better way. The better Way. What would it be like if we actually took Jesus seriously? Loved and prayed for our enemies. Turned the other cheek. Sold our possessions and gave them to the poor. Gave to the poor quietly even when it meant nothing for our own reputations. Forgave freely. Served one Master: God, not money and not country. Did not store up treasure, except in heaven. Risked persecution even from -- maybe especially from the religious people. Acted as peacemakers. Laid down our lives. Really lived as aliens and strangers in the land and not as citizens of affluence.

Last week I met a woman named Diane Nilan who sold everything she had and bought a used RV to travel around the country interviewing homeless children and families and working to make people aware of their stories and to impact the attitude of churches and government. Now that sounds like a Christ-follower.

Speaking My Mind

2008-05-09T08:01:00.001-07:00

In 2004 respected Sociologist and Evangelical, Tony Campolo, published a book called "Speaking My Mind." Some people might think that all Christians ever do is speak their minds, even when no one's really asking them; but the truth is that there are Christians in churches all over the country who are thinking things that they are too afraid to say out loud. They're afraid because they know that verbalizing their thoughts will inevitably lead to most of the other Christians around them questioning the validity of their faith and even the certainty of their eternal salvation. So rather than risking the stares and pity of their fellow church goers, they usually keep their thoughts to themselves. I have been among the ranks of the silenced in the past, but lately I've felt new courage to speak my mind. Maybe because I've started running into others who are also taking the risk of giving their thoughts voice and that helps me speak too.

One of the things those silent Christians are thinking a lot about is also one of the chapter topic's in Tony Campolo's book. "Are Evangelicals Handling the Gay Issue All Wrong?" In light of a recent message on this topic given at my church and the multitude of conversations about it that I have wandered into since, I thought I'd share a few of Compollo's thoughts and a few of my own. (It makes me feel a little safer to share knowing that Tony Compollo is wrestling with this too.)

A few quotes from Campolo:

"We must not allow ourselves to think that those who differ with us on the matter of homosexuality are less Christian or even less committed to Scripture than we are."

"We must avoid talking, as many preachers do, about THE homosexual lifestyle. In reality, there are as many homosexual lifestyles as there are heterosexual lifestyles. For instance, some adopt promiscuous lifestyles and some choose to have monogamous, committed relationships."

"It is my own belief that change is possible, but not likely. Because I believe in a God who works miracles, I cannot discount the possibility of change...on the other hand, of the hundreds of deeply religious gay males I interviewed while on the faculty of the University of Pennsylvania, I found that all of them had desperately sought change at one time or another and sadly all of them had met with only frustration and disillusionment."

"Believing that God created them for rejection, many homosexual people reject the God who they believe has rejected them. The despair that such a theology can create has driven some gays to suicide."

"The reason most evangelicals want to believe that homosexuals can change is because they are usually convinced that to have a homosexual orientation is to be perverted. They contend that homosexual orientation is contrary to God's intentions in creation."

"It is uncomfortable to note that although Jesus was silent about homosexuality, He did specifically condemn the remarriage of divorced people unless adultery was the cause of the divorce. Nevertheless, most contemporary Christians accept the remarriage of divorced persons regardless of the basis of their divorce. Gays often ask why evangelicals seem willing to accept...a sexual relationship that Jesus specifically condemned as adultery, then come down so hard on a sexual relationship that Jesus never mentioned."

My own personal questions:

1. What criteria can we use when deciding which passages of Scripture we will interpret using the historical and cultural context as a moderator (i.e. women being silent in church, and covering their heads, the command for slaves to obey their masters, the purity laws that tell us what is forbidden to eat and wear.) and which scriptures we will take at face value (i.e. that all homosexual relationships are sin, even though there is a historical and cultural context for the kind of relationships Paul was talking about.)

2. If the most compelling argument against homosexuality is that it is outside of God's plan for creation and that is the foundational reason for why it is sinful, then where does that leave disabled persons who don't have some of the "natural" functions of their bodies as God intended, or barren women who can never have children, or people who never marry and thus never fulfill the picture given to us in the Genesis or story, or those unfortunate souls born with both types of genitals? Are those people also unacceptable by God and the Church?

3. Since we are Christ-followers, are not the words of Jesus the highest authority? So if he never talked about this issue, then why are we so focused on it? We are perfectly comfortable parting with Paul and the purity code on other matters, so how did we decide that this one is more important when Jesus never mentioned it?

Sometimes I wonder what things will be like 50 or 100 years from now. Will people be looking back on this issue and viewing the Church as the same slow adapter it was with civil rights for women and blacks. That's just not the legacy that I want my generation of Christ-followers to leave. Women and black people as full participating citizens and Church leaders was once a scandalous idea too. And Jesus was always scandalizing people. So how do we know that this isn't just one more scandal of radical inclusion and love that Jesus intended his followers to be part of. If it is, I don't want to be left standing on the sidelines with the Pharisees. I long to have the courage to follow Jesus fully, even if it means risking rejection from Church people. I long for the courage not to be silent. I guess it's a lot easier on a blog than in person. But maybe this is a step.

Factory Job

2008-05-07T10:42:00.000-07:00

On Monday one of the refugee families I know stopped over at my house to get some advice. The husband had just quit his first job in America after only two weeks. We generally ask refugees to keep their fist job for at least six months, even if it's difficult, because that first job is often hard to find and if a refugee disappoints a company, that company is unlikely to hire more refugees in the future. So my first response was "Why would you quit after only two weeks? Everyone's first job is hard." He looked upset and said this:

This company cares only about making money, not about the workers. Twenty workers quit a few days before me because of the heat in the factory. There is no air and no good vent. The machines melt the foam for cups for places like McDonalds, so the machines are hot and they make everything hot. When I started they had me running three machines, but after the other workers left I had to manage eight. I tried for a few days. I had to run back and forth all day long. My feet became so covered with bubbles that I could not put on my shoes. I thought this land is the land for freedom. How can anybody force me to work in a place like this?

Refugees frequently find themselves stuck in difficult factory jobs. For many it is the only viable work option. I'm not sure if the conditions my friend described are unusual or typical. I am sure that there are plenty of other refugees who stick it out and put up with those working conditions because they have no choice, or at least feel like they have no choice.

Earlier this year, another refugee man I know fell at another foam cup factory that he had been working at for seven years (though he had been an assistant to an eye surgeon in Africa.) The man slipped on a loose cup on the floor and fell and broke his hip. Even though an ambulance came directly to his work to take him to the hospital, the company tried to get away with not paying him the worker's compensation he was due. I guess they were betting that he wouldn't know his rights and wouldn't be able to sue. In this case they were wrong, but more often than not they are probably right.

I know that refugees must work and pay their own bills and be self-sufficient. This is a must. The preservation of their own dignity requires it and most want to work. But I hate to think that for some their only choice will be putting up with unsafe conditions and unscrupulous companies. And I know it is not only refugees who face this problem. There is a whole silent people in our country who face this everyday.

As I sit in my comfortable, temperature controlled office doing work that I find meaningful, significant, and fulfilling, I feel like a big jerk telling my refugee friend to get back out there and get another factory job as soon as possible, even if the conditions are not the best, because otherwise they will have no money to pay the rent and they will be evicted. My friend is college educated too. He also longs for meaningful work. But he, like many others, may need to settle for hoping that the opportunity will be open to his children.

There is nothing I have done to deserve the easy path, but it has been given to me. I pray I won't forget the ones who have been given paths filled with land mines and obstacles.

"Your gold and silver have corroded, and their corrosion will be evidence against you and will eat your flesh like fire. You have laid up treasure in the last days. Behold, the wages of the laborers who mowed your fields, which you kept back by fraud, are crying out against you, and the cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord of hosts. You have lived on the earth in luxury and in self-indulgence. You have fattened your hearts in a day of slaughter." James 5

Selling Jesus

2008-05-03T18:12:00.000-07:00

What's wrong with this picture? Doesn't it kind of creep you out? Do you ever feel like the Jesus most American evangelicals are trying to sell you looks kind of like this guy? So distorted by their efforts to package and sell him, that he becomes sort of repulsive. Like a celebrity that has so much plastic surgery trying to stay young and beautiful that she seems to lose part of her own humanity. Who is this Jesus we're selling? Sometimes I wonder what true spark is left under the smothering weight of the never ending sales pitch. And I wonder if the Jesus we've bought is even the real thing, or just some lesser quality immitation. A winking, thumbs-up inflatable Jesus, like the balloon gorillas used to draw people into used car lots.

Though it costs me everything, I want the pearl of great price and nothing less.

The lives of women

2008-04-29T07:35:00.000-07:00

This is kind of an embarrassing subject, but I'm going to dive in and see how it goes. Yesterday I had my annual "women's health." exam. No woman I know looks forward to that appointment. It's uncomfortable and embarrassing, and I'm always relieved when it's over and I don't have to do it again for another year. But this year, for some reason, the whole experience was different. In fact, I'm not sure I will ever think about that visit quite the same way again.

Because of some recent difficulties in my life, I was extra nervous about this appointment, but the doctor who saw me put me at ease right away. She was kind and professional and took the time to answer my questions and let me be a human instead of just one patient in a long line of patients. She actually made me feel cared for, which is a pretty hard thing to do in the context of one of those dreadful appointments. Her kindness got me thinking about the African refugee women I know and about the women I will spend time with on our upcoming trip to Uganda and Kenya. I started thinking about the millions of women and girls around the world who have no access to any women's health care, let alone kind health care. I thought of the women I know who have have been victims of female circumcision and rape. Of the millions of women who have little say over their own bodies and how they get used, and no one to care for them with kindness and mercy. I thought of the young girls who are forced into sex early and develop fistulas (ruptures that lead to leaking bladders) from rape or childbirth that comes too young. Those girls who suffer twice because they are subsequently shunned from their communities because the way they smell.

I can't even imagine what it's like to walk around in the shoes (or no shoes) of those women around the world who suffer in silence. My few minutes of being uncomfortable and embarrassed each year in the doctor's office are really nothing. I am reminded again of the gap between rich and poor in our world. Access to decent, kind health care should be the right of all people, not just the elite. Next year I will remember my silent, suffering sisters when I call to make my appointment.

Scripture stuck in my head

2008-04-28T08:31:00.000-07:00

Our Campus Pastor, Carter Moss, read this passage of scripture from 2 Corinthians 9 at church on Sunday and it has been stuck in my head ever since. I love this! Generosity to the poor is worship. It is evangelism. It is how we get close to Jesus.

This most generous God who gives seed to the farmer that becomes bread for your meals is more than extravagant with you. He gives you something you can then give away, which grows into full-formed lives, robust in God, wealthy in every way, so that you can be generous in every way, producing with us great praise to God.

Carrying out this social relief work involves far more than helping meet the bare needs of poor Christians. It also produces abundant and bountiful thanksgivings to God. This relief offering is a prod to live at your very best, showing your gratitude to God by being openly obedient to the plain meaning of the Message of Christ. You show your gratitude through your generous offerings to your needy brothers and sisters, and really toward everyone. Meanwhile, moved by the extravagance of God in your lives, they'll respond by praying for you in passionate intercession for whatever you need. Thank God for this gift, his gift. No language can praise it enough!

Back Again

2008-04-24T13:40:00.001-07:00

In just eight weeks we will be getting on a plane to go back to Africa. It's starting to actually feel real now that we've chosen the students and I'm working on booking flights. Uganda will be a brand new experience and Kenya will be going back to old friends. I am so grateful to Jesus for the incredible opportunities I've had in my life to connect with the global Body of Christ and to see so many places in the world. I dreamed of traveling when I was young, but I'm not sure I ever really believed it would really be as possible as it has been.

It has been a hard week for me personally, with some unexpected loss, but thoughts of Africa are washing over me in a way that feels healing today. I am so grateful for this coming trip. I pray for the students who are going and for our team as a whole. I can't wait to meet Jesus in the streets of Kibera again.

Reasons I'm Thankful Even Though Life is Hard Right Now

2008-04-21T07:42:00.002-07:00

1. Jesus is constant and faithful even when I'm not.
2. My husband is the just the exact right person I need to support me and help me grow.
3. My family holds me up with love.
4. My church family is more important to me than I could have imagined they would be.
5. My refugee friends are a constant example of faith and perserverance.
6. My work is meaningful and significant.
7. My home is warm and safe and peaceful.
8. The body of Christ is bigger than just my church, and I feel part of that bigger body.
9. The coming of Spring magically uplifts my spirit.
10. Our trip to Africa is just around the corner.

Sunny Days

2008-04-16T09:45:00.000-07:00

Despite the rainny, sleety day on Saturday, about 70 volunteers showed up at Bryan House and got almost everything on our list for the day accomplished. I was amazed! They even put up the playground and re-shingled the porch roof. The rain and sleet I was so afraid of last week didn't stop much of anything. Praise God!

On Sunday volunteers from Batavia United Methodist Church came and finished the things we didn't get to on Saturday. Not only that, but this amazing church has decided to make a long term commitment to supporting Bryan House! Rick and I will be speaking to their congregation this Sunday and they will be bringing back more volunteers in the afternoon. They are going to help us make one of our apartments handicapped accessible for a refugee man who has become paralyzed from a severe case of TB that attacked his spinal cord. I am so excited about this new partnership. It feels like the clouds have finally parted a little bit and I can see the sun again. Things feel more manageable just knowing that this church is behind us now. Yeah! I love seeing churches really being the CHURCH.

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

2008-04-10T09:24:00.000-07:00

There is a 60% chance of rain on Saturday. That is the day that we will have about 60 volunteers at Bryan House to help paint, clean, fence, landscape, put in a playground like the one in this picture, and more. So I find myself praying against the rain. I realize that if God answered everyone's prayers for no rain, we would have a serious drought. In fact praying against the rain is probably a very silly and naive thing to do. Never-the-less, I really, really hope it doesn't rain this weekend. Are you listening God? : )

Dr. King

2008-04-04T09:41:00.000-07:00

Today the world is taking a moment to remember Dr. King. 40 years ago he was gunned down on the balcony of the Loraine Motel in Memphis. A lot of people are talking about him today. He's all over the radio and the television. In the last forty years he has somehow become fairly universally recognized as a hero and a prophet. But his death reminds us that he was not always so esteemed by the general public. Especially not the comfortable, white, middle and upper class conservatives. He was seen as a trouble maker. He was a threat to those for whom the status quo was working well.

If Dr. King was alive today, and if he was speaking out against the Iraq war the way he spoke against Vietnam. If he were standing up for poor people and demanding ongoing strides towards racial justice. If he was speaking out in such a "political" way today, I wonder how many of our churches would invite him to speak from their pulpits. I wonder how many would be willing to associate themselves with him. My guess is not many. All of us want to claim Dr. King as hero, but very few want to walk where he walked. We would rather "keep the peace" than trouble the waters. We have made Dr. King safe, just have we made Jesus safe. They are both easier to stomach that way. But it makes our celebrations of them both empty and hypocritical.

The world remembers Dr. King today as a great civic leader, but Christ-followers should remember him as Pastor to a generation. Pastor to us still. I long for a voice like Dr. King's to speak into me, into my neighborhood, my church, my nation. And I long to have the courage to listen and respond.

I think I hear God still speaking these words to his Church today:

Away with the noise of your songs! I will not listen to the music of your harps.

But let justice roll on like a river,
righteousness like a never-failing stream!

Amos 5:23-24

The Joy of Simplicity

2008-04-03T08:09:00.000-07:00

There is a deep longing in my soul right now for a return to simplicity. For time to enjoy the sunshine. For slower moments of peace. For time to play. For space to breath. For joy. For days that are less crammed together. For an end to chasing after the wind.

For more time to spend with the little guy in this picture, "Baby Rick." It seems his baby time has slipped away from us, as he will be four years old this May. I miss him more and more all the time. He is like pure sunshine. There is something magic about him. He is a great source of joy for me.

I don't think I was designed for the kind of life I'm leading right now. My body is rebeling against it with pains that won't go away. The stress is making my stomach uneasy. I wake up every morning longing for something to change, longing for freedom, longing for someone to rescue me from the unending cycle of the "To Do" list. Crossing something off feels good for a moment, but then I look down and see that it has just continued to grow and grow. I wonder if anything I am doing is really making a difference anyway. In the end, will all my running around have accomplished anything real? Anything that lasts? This has been a challenging season of life. Much more challenging that I thought it would be. I have lessons to write. Service Projects to manage. A summer trip to plan. Bryan House stuff to accomplish. But all I really want to do right now is go blow bubbles with Baby Rick. Somehow that seems more satisfying than any of the other stuff.

Maybe it's just Spring Fever. But I have had this feeling once before. It had happened a long time ago when I first met a refugee family from Mauritania. After a few months of visiting them I suddenly realized that I felt closer to Jesus and more fulfilled as a person when I was visiting this Muslim family than when I was working my full time ministry job. Though many people didn't understand at the time, I actually felt like Jesus was calling me out of my job at the church in order to do something simpler and to spend more time with refugees. There are many things that are different now in my life, and there are things I have learned since that time that changes the equation a bit. But I still hunger for some simplicity. I don't really know how it's possible right now. But I long for it deeply -- more and more everyday.

Ecclesiatstes kind of day

2008-03-31T08:05:00.000-07:00

Again I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun: I saw the tears of the oppressed -- and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressors -- and they have no comforter.

And I saw that all labor and all achievement spring from man's envy of his neighbor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.

Better a poor but wise youth than an old but foolish king who no longer knows who to take warning.

If you see the poor oppressed in a district, and justice and rights denied, do not be surprised at such things; for one official is eyed by a higher one and over them both are others higher still. The increase from the land is taken by all.

Whoever loves money never has money enough. As goods increase, so do those who consume them.

A CONSTANT CHASING AFTER THE WIND

A happy update from Kenya

2008-03-11T08:44:00.000-07:00

I was so happy to receive this recent update from our friend George Otieno at Shalom House in Nairobi, Kenya. It's nice to have some good news after months of turmoil, violence, and fear. After reading George's email I am even more excited about going back to Africa this summer. I feel confident that there will be a way for us to visit our friends in Kenya. My heart longs to see them all again and to stand on Kenyan soil! I feel like I have family there.

Hi Guzman,

Many thanks for your message... I am very happy to receive your news and to hear that everyone is fine in Chicago.

We are very happy after the Peace agreement, and the effort that was made by the Former UN Secretary General Koffi Annan that these two guys share the responsibilities in the government. This have come back to normal, there is no case of insecurity and business in on as usual, tourism, transportation etc. Actually, the mood of the country is PEACEFUL.

During the period of skirmishes, our projects were not affected at all and thanks be to God for that. Everyone is fine and children are going on with their activities as normal.

The Government is working on well, and the displaced people are now being relocated and
taken back home. Movements are not restricted at all.

I live here and I do experienced what I am reporting to you... so don't get worried.

Pass my regards to all the friends.
See you soon.

Back to Africa

2008-03-10T08:01:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to dream of Africa again. Rick and I will be leading a group of North Central students to Uganda this summer with Exodus World Service and the Refugee Highway Partnership. Two nights ago we watched a South African film called, "Tsotsi" and last night we watched a documentary about Elephants in Ambroseli National Park in Kenya. Even though it is still winter here (it's snowing this morning as I write) my mind is wandering to summer and to being back in Africa again. I've been ordering books about Uganda and talking to refugee friends here who have family in Kampala who will plan to visit.

There is something grounding about spending time in Africa, something that helps remind me who I am and forces me to reflect in ways I don't often make space for when I am here. And I seem to find God more easily there, maybe because Africa always topples and unsettles me, and also because there are deep lessons in Africa about hope and joy and simplicity. I know that I probably have overly romantic notions of the hope and joy and simplicity in Africa, but still I need to find ways to develop those in me. And I also long for Africa because being there stirs me to write and I feel like when I'm not writing I'm deteriorating.

I feel trapped lately in a season of long weariness. I'm not even exactly sure why. I feel like I am holding too many heavy things up and there is no place to set any one of them down, so even though my arms are far too tired to hold them anymore, there isn't anything to do about it. In the middle of this season the promise of this coming trip back to Africa gives me hope. Hope that the change of scenary will do me good. Hope that I can reconnect with myself and with God. Maybe even hope for a little time of escape and change. Maybe Africa can shake me loose from the place that I have been stuck.

Moving Day

2008-03-07T08:11:00.000-08:00

Today, after sixteen days of staying with us, Yahya, Samira, & Mirhan will be moving into their own apartment. North Central students, staff, and faculty collected all the Good Neighbor Kit items needed to get them started in their life. They are very excited! Click on the link below to view an amazing photo documentary about their first few days in America, courtesy of student, Ben Chernivsky.

http://www.chernivsky.com/welcome/index.html

Ponderings

2008-03-01T19:22:00.001-08:00

As I sit down to write, an Iraqi refugee family sleeps in the next room. I can hear the father coughing and the sound of someone shifting in bed. We spent the evening entertaining the three year old girl, Mirhan, while her parents tried to rest and get some relief from oncoming colds. But even wild little Mirhan is resting now, so it is quiet. I know they are worn out from saying goodbye to everything familiar. Yahya cried last night when he spoke of his father. He doesn't know if he will see him again. He doesn't know if he is safe.

A mile away a Conoglese family is unpacking boxes at Bryan House. They are the first family spending their first night under the roof of our "dream house". There is still an overwhelming amount of work to be done there, but today makes the dream feel a little bit more real. Soon three orphaned children will join their only living relatives there in that apartment at Bryan House. Two years ago we visited them in a refugee camp in Kibuye Rwanda. Now we will help their Aunt and Uncle save to buy them a real future.

Tonight a Burundian family around the corner from Bryan House is missing their father and husband. Four hundred miles away in Minnesota my Grandmother is missing my Grandfather. And here we are still missing Bryan. Wherever you go you find that people are mostly the same at their core. They love their families. They want what's best for their children. And they mourn the people they lose. We should stick together. Our family is bigger than we think.

This week we found out that our dear friends from Mauritania, the Diallos, the first refugee family we ever met, are thinking of moving away to Ohio were there are other families from their home country. They have been the only ones here for seven years and they are growing weary of the separation. I don't know what we will do without them. They are the reason for all of this. They taught us what family really means. I want them to be happy, but my heart will break a little when they go. I'm afraid that little Yasmin will forget us. There is a permanent string tied from my heart to hers.

Lately I feel a little like we've been running a marathon at a Sprinters pace. I long for a speed that's more managable, but I think it will be a few more miles before we can slow down. I've put a lot of myself on hold and sometimes I'm afraid those pieces won't still be there when I finally have time to go back to them. Everyday I get emails from Vermont College classmates who are publishing their books and I wonder if I will ever have the space I need to nurture a novel into publication. I wonder too if we will ever hold our own babies, or only, always, someone else's.

I guess if I had to choose between what I have and what I feel like I'm missing, I'd still choose this exact moment: with the Iraqi family sleeping nearby, with boxes being unpacked at Bryan House, with Yasmin and Musa and Dollar and Baby Rick and now Mirhan as my "adopted" children, and with Rick as my companion next to me when I lay down to rest.

Life is so wonderful and terrible and strange.

Welcome to America

2008-02-26T15:06:00.000-08:00

The Iraqi refugee family that we have been waiting for has finally arrived. Welcome Samira, Yahya, & Mirhan. They have already been teaching us how to speak Arabic, how to cook Iraqi food, and how to enjoy life even in difficult circumstances.

Students Helping Refugees

2008-02-19T16:38:00.001-08:00

Thanks to all the students who helped welcome Burmese Refugees Run Zi & Nawl Cin Thang last week. You guys are awesome!

Terrible Day

2008-02-16T05:41:00.000-08:00

Last night I drove these children to the hospital where their Mom and their Pastor was waiting to tell them that their Father had died suddenly. Last they knew he had been taken to the hospital because of a bad cold, sore throat and fever. The doctors still don't really know what happened. Some how this sweet, sweet, man survived war and violence in Burundi only to die in America of some strange unexplainable infection. The refugee community in Aurora has lost a great man and these children have lost a great father. A whole parade of mourners showed up at the hospital last night to pay their respects.

Please remember this family in your prayers. They relied heavily on their father's income, so not only will their emotional road ahead be difficult, their financial situation will be uncertain. Luckily they have a great church family at St. David's Episcopal in Aurora.

For the past two and a half months the fifteen year old boy in this family has been working for us at Bryan House shoveling snow. I've been feeling so ready for winter to be done, but in light of this situation maybe a few more good snow days would be okay.

Scary Day

2008-02-15T08:29:00.000-08:00

Yesterday afternoon just before four o'clock, my father-in-law called me and asked if I had heard anything from my husband. He said that there had been a shooting at NIU where Rick is a law student. He said he had tried to call him, but had not gotten through. I hadn't heard anything. I hung-up right away and tried to send Rick a text. I was feeling a little shaky and having trouble hitting the keys right, so it was taking me a long time just to write a simple line: "Shooting at NIU. R U ok?" While I was trying, he called. He was hunkered down in the law library with his classmates waiting for the all clear signal so he could leave. He was okay. His building was in the general vicinity of the incident, but not close enough to hear or see anything bad. I'm glad the moments of not knowing were so short for me. I can't imagine what parents were feeling who didn't hear from their children right away. Why does this keep happening in our country? Gun violence is so out of control? Some how we have to get a handle on this.

The University is closed today. Rick is at home with two young Burmese refugees who arrived yesterday and are staying with us for a few days. Luckily they don't speak much English so they don't know what happened. Not exactly a great day to welcome folks who have fled from the violence in their own nation to try to find some peace and safety.

Our hearts go out to all the victims and friends and family of those who were killed. And I thank Jesus that my husband is safe.

A word from Bryan

2008-02-13T08:16:00.001-08:00

Yesterday Rick received a rare and precious gift. A friend from college who taught one of Bryan's sociology classes at North Central sent us this email that Bryan wrote in December of 2005. Please read the email and then Rick's response below. I cannot tell you how grateful we were to receive this word of encouragement from Bryan himself.

Bryan' Email:

Mr. Gross - I've been thinking of what I would like to get out of this internship so let me start by saying that I, like most college sophmores, I don't know what I would like to do like with my life. I love playing music and that is what I would really like to do, but even if everything turns out the way I would like it to I would also like to incorporate philanthropy into what I do. I think it is extremely important to think of others and give to those who are in need. My brother Rick has been a huge influence on me in this way. He works witha number of refugee families, helping them get accustomed to American life, helping them financially by buying things they need, and being somewhat of a father figure for their children. This Christmas he shopped for over fifty people! Anyways, I would like to get involved inan effort to help people in need as well. I feel that I could possibly help organize an event to benefit a charity, or possibly even mybrother's charity, if I meet the right people and learn what it takes to organize an event like that. I'd also be excited to be work with an organization in any way that helps fight poverty or other urban issues like housing issues, aid to the poor (which would be extremely important right now), or something close to that. This stuff is really important to me because I've always envisioned myself as someone would save the world (even though I haven'tdone that much to contribute yet). I've always had big visions of my band being one that actually raises awareness about issues instead of focusing on themselves. Well, this will hopefully give you an idea of who I am, and if you have any questions or comments please let me know.Thanks, Bryan Guzman

Rick's response:

wow. I can't even find the words to tell you how much I appreciate you forwarding my brother's email that he sent you. It's funny how few of these types of things that I have--perhaps mostly because we rarely went any great length of time w/o seeing each other and so we rarely wrote or emailed about anything terribly substantive. Also, I must admit that there have been moments over the past year where I find myself wondering if we're somehow exploiting Bryan's memory in bringing to fruition a project that we had always planned/wanted to do anyway. Bryan gave financially to our foundation on several occasions and I've never really doubted that he'd be proud of what we're trying to do to create this living memorial. There was so much about his spirit that gave me such an overwhelming confidence that he would support this idea... but still on several occasions people have asked if our foundation was something that Bryan cared about... newspaper articles have assumed that Bryan was "deeply passionate" about the cause of helping refugees. And again, while I never had any reason to doubt the underlying truth of those statements... or my affirmative responses to the questions, most of my confidence was based on unspoken signs or gestures... and the way the impact of Bryan's life and spirit have been evidenced through the stories and reactions of others that knew him. So despite knowing all along, there's still no small amount of comfort in reading Bryan's actual words. We all have this tendency to romanticize the deceased. This email and your own account of Bryan do no such thing... but far more meaningfully, they affirm the honest and genuine nature of a caring spirit who may not have yet figured out exactly what to do or how to do it, but clearly had a drive and desire to be about the business of difference-making. I can't tell you how grateful I am for this type of opportunity to feel connected again to my brother. I've felt Bryan in this project. And somehow knew that he was working alongside us to accomplish our goals of empowering those who at times have been dis-empowered. Indeed that sense of his presence has been the only thing that's made the past year at all bearable. Somehow after reading and re-reading Bryan's words, I feel that strong sense of connection strengthened even more. Thanks, Matt.

Winter Weary

2008-02-11T09:12:00.000-08:00

Winter is beginning to wear on me this year. Something about the cold seems deeper and more penetrating than usual. Getting out of bed in the morning is harder than I remember it being in the past. Maybe I'm just imagining things. Maybe it's always been like this. Maybe I'm just more fixated on it this year for some reason. Or maybe it has something to do with getting older. Whatever the cause, I find myself nursing an intense desire to hibernate, to just stay bundled up inside my house and not come out until Spring comes back again. A warm little den of rest sounds so nice right now. I have a craving for an extended period of quiet. A chance to slow down and breath and read and think and soak up the silence. I've had some writing ideas swirling in my mind lately. I'm thirsty for a little space and time to stir them and spill them into the page. The few snatched away minutes I have now is never enough time to do them any justice, so I don't bother to entertain them at all. But when I ignore them they seem to grow louder and more demanding, like neglected children. Maybe it's the noise from the thoughts themselves that is wearing me out. I find myself in a weird place, wishing either for Spring come immediately or for a month of terrible snow days all in a row which force me to stay inside. Both are silly, impractical wishes. So all I can do is try to weather the weather, and somehow shake myself loose from the grip of the gray and the cold. Lent comes before Easter.

Peace Corps has left Kenya

2008-02-07T06:25:00.000-08:00

The Peace Corps volunteers have all left Kenya. That doesn't seem good. With all the American primary election coverage, you don't even hear much about Kenya on CNN these days. It feels like we've stopped watching. At least 1,000 people have died. Somewhere between 300,000 - 350,000 people have been displaced or become refugees. (Kenya is usually the country African refugees run to, not from.) And beyond the horror of neighbor against neighbor violence, each day that this situation continues Kenya's tourism industry loses more and more money, plunging the country deeper into poverty and desparation. What does an unstable Kenya mean for the continent of Africa?

Threatened people often turn to violence to solve their problems. What can we really say to the Kenyan people, as even without the motivation of hunger and oppression, we have done the same. We look down at them as uneducated folks because their village elders and even churches have often condoned and encouraged their violence -- but then again so have ours. War is war is war. If the churches don't speak Jesus into it, the rocks themselves will cry out. The blood of many cries out to our God and we respond, "Am I my brother's keeper?" all over again. We need a real "peace corps" more than ever.

you have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. ---Jesus

More news from our friends in Kenya

2008-02-01T14:36:00.000-08:00

Desiree,

I have taken too long to email you because the security situation in Kenya in general, and in Nairobi in particular, has not been favourable. We are indoors most of the time. Desiree it is sad that even members of Parliament are being gunned down now! At least two opposition Mps have been shot dead by gunmen, who are identified as police officers. I think the government would like to reduce the number of opposition Mps because their number exceeds the govenment side. All these are happening despite the mediation team by Kofi Annan (former Secretary General).

Our members have been grossly affected, as their businesses which we assisted them to put up have either been looted or burnt down to ashes despite having not cleared the loans. We are trying to approach some micro finance organization if they can give us loans for our micro finance department to support our members in the business reconstruction. We have stopped our nursery school for a while because the position of our school around the railway line was the battlefield between the security officers and the public. We are still looking for a favorable place. But all these involve money. We hope we shall get.

I have scanned a picture of part of KISCODEP members who collected the food you bought for them. They were very happy about your gesture and prayed that may God continue blessing you. I hope we shall get in touch. Pass my regards to the other friends.

Joseph

Remember Kenya

2008-01-30T06:54:00.000-08:00

Things in Kenya seem to be getting worse, not better. I haven't heard from our friends there in awhile, but I've heard too many bad things on the news. Last night I caught the end of "Out of Africa." We have free HBO for a month and that was one of the movies playing. I've seen the movie before, but in the current context it felt different. The ending, when Karen Blixen leaves Kenya for good, was more heart breaking than I remembered. I felt like I was the one saying goodbye to the Ngong Hills. I'm so sad to think that we might not be able to go back to Kenya this summer, but sadder yet to think of the friends we met there who must deal everyday with this newly exposed instability. As if poverty alone wasn't enough.

I am comfortable and safe, but I don't think of myself as "rich." I think of Oprah as rich. But, of course, Oprah is something far beyond rich. The discrepancies in life still take my breath away. Who is accountable for them? How did we get here?

Family

2008-01-24T07:41:00.001-08:00

These are my brother's kids, Royce & Kyley. I don't get to see them very much because my whole family lives in Minnesota (where winters are even colder and snowier than here.) But I like being an Aunt. Kyley and I talk on the phone sometimes. And my parents and my brother keep me updated on all their fun stages. We had a great time together over Christmas. And I can't wait to spend some more time with them.

It seems like everyone I know just had a baby or is about to have one. I never really imagined myself getting to the age I am now (I won't reveal it here) without having any babies, but at the same time it's kind of hard to imagine my life with kids. Babies have been on my mind a lot lately. Sometimes I wish I had an extra decade of time. There are so many things I want to do. I'm feeling the movement of time in a way I never did before. Royce and Kyley are growing up fast. And I still think of their Dad as my "little brother."

I'm not really sure that I would be a good Mom. I'm scared about that sometimes. And I worry about how we would manage everything and what we would have to give up. We haven't really left much space for a family -- at least not until Rick finishes law school. For now I guess we wait.

I've been thinking of Winnie a lot, the little girl we met in the AIDS orphanage in Kenya. I've been day dreaming about adopting a baby from Africa, reading up on the process. In some ways that idea seems to fill a void in me that's even deeper than any ticking biological clock. I wonder what Winnie and her friends are doing right now?

Time for the lighthouse

2008-01-20T07:39:00.000-08:00

In 2001 Rick and I led a refugee Bible Study and prayer group at Victory Court Apartments on Sunday nights. On any given week people from Rwanda, Congo, Togo, Mauritania, Sudan, and Afghanistan were likely to be in attendance. It was a pretty amazing experience to be surrounded by prayer in so many languages.

Some of the people from that group have remained our close friends, and others we've lost touch with. Yesterday a woman from the group who we haven't seen in a very long time came to see us. Her teenage son is in jail and facing very serious charges. She's heart broken and confused. She doesn't understand the system here. She makes no excuses for the trouble her son has caused in the past, but this time she's worried that he's just an easy target for the police. Her dream of a better life in American is crumbling. She's sick and losing weight. She can't sleep at night, thinking about what will happen to her son in jail. And she doesn't want people to think that all refugee boys ae going to be crimminals, just because they've been through hard times.

We prayed with her, and said we would try to help her understand what's happening with her son's case. But I felt kind of helpless. We know how to help with things like rent assistance or car repair or explaining papers that come in the mail, but this was nothing we could fix with a few donation dollars. And sitting with her made me think about all the mothers in this country who have sons in prison. We've got to help the Church find a way to be with these women. This is just one of the reasons it's long past time for the Church to be a lighthouse in Aurora.

Bryan House in the News

2008-01-17T08:50:00.000-08:00

Click here to read an article on the front page of the Metro Section of the Tribune today about Bryan House. Thanks to all our friends, family, and sponsors for making this dream possible!

Kenya on my mind...

2008-01-16T12:25:00.001-08:00

On Sunday the team of us who traveled to Kenya last summer met and prayed together for our friends who are suffering there. We managed to scrap together some funds to send. It felt good to have something to offer them as a sign of our solidarity and love. But we know that it is only minor and temporary relief. The money will soon run out and Kenya will still be broken. What our friends need is some kind of real and lasting peace in their country. Something solid and stable to build on. And that isn't a gift we are able to give them. So we pray and we hope and we wait, wondering what each new day of news will bring. Hoping not to see the face of anyone we know on TV.

Our team is feeling a new longing to be back in Kenya, back with our friends during this difficult time. Sometimes it's hard to even concentrate during the day. Here is an email from our friend, Francis:

sory for the delay, its just that am really busy looking for means, its just that i lost a family member in the on going riot and clashes and am even organizing for the fundrising to get the body from ELDORET town past NAKURU to be buried at the central part of kenya, otherwise thanks allot for your concern, sory for the delay its just that everything was in a mess. have to go now pliz coz i can hear some gun shoot outside coz of demonstration.

More email from Kenya...

2008-01-11T11:53:00.000-08:00

Desiree,

I do not see any hope, as the government has rubished the negotiation by some eminent world leaders. The so called the president has not been sincere with such talks. The AU chairman and the president of Ghana, Jon Kofour went back very dissapointed as nothing important took place, the president refused to meet the opposition.
We still contiune to be refugees in our own country, and now depend largely on donors. This is ridiculous, especially the way we have been trying to improve the living standard of the people of this wonderful country.

Our fate depend on the dimention that will be taken by opposition leaders. Kindly continue praying for us.

Updates from Kenya

2008-01-09T07:53:00.000-08:00

This is a picture from last summer of our Kenya team with members of the
Kibera Slums Community Development Project. Kibera has been one of the areas hardest hit by the post-election violence in Kenya. Below are some excerpts from emails we've been receiving from our friends in Nairobi. We continue to pray for peace and reconcilation in Kenya.

January 2, 2008

Hi Desiree,If you tell us "Happy New Year", We Kenyans at the moment will say " Thanks, but all are not well." This is because in spite of economic hardship, Kenyans are robbed of the victory of their presidential choice, and the aftermath is total civil strife; what we have never experienced since independence. This scenario has brought a lot of bloodshed and our political leaders are doing completely nothing! Oh God help us!!...there is no money and children are crying as if there parents are forcefully denying them their rights, the structures in which they live and do businesses are being demolished some are out in the cold all day and night. the same people are not spared by the wanton bullets from the security forces nicknamed " General Service Unit". Our children are confused and the country's transport system is on hold; roads are barricaded with heavy loads and are therefore impassable. Vehicles are set ablaze and this engulfs the whole country. .My request is simple: Pray for us and God will hear you. Joseph

January 4, 2008

Hi Guzman, Many thanks for your prayers as well as your interest to help. Kibera currently is a "no go zone" there is alot of para-military police police sorrounding it. Actually what we need most is you prayers.Even if there are alot of problems now, we have to wait till the tension cools down then we will see what to do. Let's pray for peace. George

January 7, 2008

Desiree,Thanks for your email. I have taken this length of time to reply because there is no means of communication around Kibera. I have to trek up to the city centre to send this email.The condition has not improve either. People suffer a terrible pain as they cannot work to earn a living. All business premises have been demolished. We all hope it will improve now that there is presence in the talks by international community.

January 8, 2008

Hi Desiree, How are you... I hope that you are fine and doing well. We are still in the process of peace healing and reconciliation. At the moment we are experiencing alot of people in worst condition especially in Kibera whose houses were burnt, families killed etc. People are living on the street day and night without food, clothings etc.There is a mass of displaced people from Kibera now camped at the Nairobi Show Ground, 2km from Shalom House, they lack all the basic need. We are mobilising and collecting some donations to send there.

A Dream to Become the Next President.

2008-01-04T11:23:00.000-08:00

As Americans in Kenya last summer there was one question people kept asking us over and over again: "Do you know Barak Obama?" Those were the words they used, but the pride in their eyes expressed a more intimate question. Something more like this: "Do you know my brother, my son, my neighbor, my countryman, the one who just might be President of the United States one day? His father is Kenyan. You know that, right?"

Possibility is electric. It raises hope and in-turn hope has this way of pushing the possible a little closer to the probable. Who doesn't want to be at the center of hope and possibility? I know African refugees who have been pushing hard to get their US citizenship process done in time to vote for Barak Obama. In many ways he is the symbol of all that they dream for their children. Can the black son of an African really become the leader of the most powerful nation in the world? Is it possible?

Last night Obama made history by winning the Democratic Caucus in Iowa. While he was winning, the slums of Nairobi were on fire with the rage of an unfair election process in Kenya. Over three hundred have been killed. Food is scarce. Violence reigns. There has been no opportunity for the people who asked us that question to rejoice over their son. Possibility is forgotten now.

When we were in Kenya last summer we saw a troop of former street boys perform. They sang a song that has been ringing in my head today. The chorus says, "I have a dream to become the next President." I can still see their faces. The smiles. The great hope. I almost believed that one of them would be President of Kenya one day. Was I naive to think it possible? The illusion of a stable Kenya is crumbling. You cannot keep poverty and oppression quiet forever. It has a way of rising.

I pray that possibility and hope will come flooding back to those Kenyan boys soon, the way it has recently poured down on over their brother, Barak. I pray for peace in Kenya. And real possibility in our own election process.

It's not enough...

2008-01-03T14:05:00.000-08:00

"It is not enough to kneel and pray. We tell parishioners that
whatever they do, they must do something that will affect peace
somehow."

- Father Francis, a Kenyan priest near Uhuru (Freedom) Park
where an opposition rally was dispersed by police using tear gas
and water cannons following disputed elections and the deaths of
some 300 people in related violence. (Source: The Christian
Science Monitor)

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. - Matthew 5:9

Kibera on Fire

2007-12-31T10:16:00.001-08:00

A resident of Kibera runs with a sack past a burning shack. Kenya has plunged further into chaos as fresh violence triggered by President Mwai Kibaki's disputed re-election left more than 140 dead and Washington withdrew US endorsement of the result. (AFP/Roberto Schmidt)

I am afraid for my friends in Kibera. The slum is on fire. Not just the shacks that pass for houses, but the the people themselves. They burn with anger over long years of neglect. Their cries for justice have become violent, and the world may just be content to let them destroy themselves. If there can be no fair election in a relatively stable place like Kenya, then where does that leave the rest of Africa? Does anyone care? Everything is different when you know someone. When Africa isn't just faraway chaos.

Joseph, are you okay? Will there still be a KISCODEP when this is over? Will Judith and Teresa still sell medicines from the windows of their small pharmacies? Will Alice still sew dresses? Will the bone shop still be making bracelets? What will we find when we come back to you in June?

PRAY FOR PEACE IN KIBERA

Bryan House At Last!

2007-12-19T08:24:00.001-08:00

BRYAN HOUSE PURCHASED ON DECEMBER 18, 2007!!!
One year and one week after we lost our beloved Bryan, a house that will help hundreds of refugees from around the world bears his name and carries on his spirit of reaching out and giving to others. Thanks to the generous support of so many of you, we were able to make a sizeable down-payment and we are able to cover the mortgage and insurance through your monthly sponsorships. But one of the units is unsponsored, which means we need 30 more days sponsored in order to have the buffer in operating expenses that we will need for the eventual & inevitable repairs. Please consider sponsoring a day or more of rent. Sponsorship levels start at just $13/mo. & have a huge impact on helping families build financial stability & move out of the class of the working poor in a responsible & dignified way.

Click here to find out how to sponsor a day of rent.

Charlie Brown Christmas

2007-12-17T08:12:00.000-08:00

"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown."

Watched this forty year old cartoon for the millionth time last night. I still love it. Somehow Linus' voice has become what I hear in my head every time I read this passage from Luke. I'm sure I'm not alone.

2007-12-12T09:13:00.000-08:00

"A SONG FOR BRYAN HOUSE" to Raise Funds/Awareness
Download this beautiful version of, "Hallelujah," (you may recognize it from the Shrek movie, soundtrack) at www.myspace.com/theyoungsea

All proceeds from the downloads go to Bryan House!

Thanks to artists Kevin Pichal (The Young Sea), Adam Krier (Lucky Boys Confusion, American Taxi), Genevieve Shatz (Company of Thieves), Ryan O'neil (Sleeping at Last), Mikey Russell (Wax on Radio), and Dan Monahan (Last Fast Action) for recording the song, which is a wonderful tribute to Bryan who we've missed so much this past year.

Also please come to the December 22nd Benefit Show at the Metro in Chicago where the song will be performed & ticket proceeds for the concert & after party going to Bryan House. Concert details at www.myspace.com/theyoungsea

Thanks!

Joy and Sorrow

2007-12-10T12:06:00.001-08:00

Yesterday marked one year since Rick's youngest brother, Bryan drowned in Lake Michigan. One full year without our family feeling whole. One full year without hearing Daniel and Bryan play music together. One full year of eerie disbelief. The day came like other days. And though we've been sensing it's approach for months, it still seemed to sneak up on us somehow. And the ordinariness of the day-- the regular rising of the sun and moving hands of the clock was somehow offensive and comforting at the same time.

It has been a long, tiring year of devastating sorrow and tremendous joy co-existing together. A full year and an empty year. On Saturday we moved out of our house into the upstairs apartment in a brick two-flat with Rick's Mom. For a lot of reasons this move has the potential to be good all around. For us, for Alice, and for the refugees we will be able to help with the money we're saving. Sunday after church we spent time just being together with Alice and Daniel. It was good to have a long slow day together. It seems like we haven't had one in awhile. And there are no slow days ahead. Rick has finals this week. We have to finish moving and unpacking. And sometime between this Friday and next Tuesday we will be closing on a five unit apartment building that will become BRYAN HOUSE, a living memorial to Bryan that will help countless refugee families move into homeownership and break the cycle of poverty. Refugees are people who know sorrow and loss. And in the midst of that they have this uncanny ability to teach us about joy.

I continue to be amazed at what happens and changes in one year. We miss you, Bryan. I pray that remembering you will push us to be better people, more generous and more aware of the value of each day.

BRYAN HOUSE COMING SOON!

African Proverbs & Biblical Proverbs

2007-12-02T16:20:00.000-08:00

He who asks questions cannot avoid the answers.

The man who has bread to eat does not appreciate the severity of a famine.

If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered. Proverbs 21:13

He who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward him for what he has done. Proverbs 19:17